A Heart Poured Out

This Blog Has a New Home!

2011-03-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

I'm so glad you stopped by... please come say hello in my new home over at:
http://www.tracyedukes.com/
see ya soon!
Tracye

WFW - Transformation

2011-02-23T06:58:00.007-06:00

One of my favorite things about blogging, is sharing about God's word. I always look forward to Wednesday, when bloggers from all over, share artwork and scriptures to convey a message of faith that speaks to them during the week and that they desire to pass along to their readers.

My heart is fixed on the Lord and my focus is on Transformation both, spiritually and in the natural, so this picture really blessed me. I hope it does the same for you!

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." ~Romans 12: 1-2 (The Message Bible)

For more Word-filled Wednesday inspiration, stop by here

Happy Faces... Happy Hearts

2011-02-22T21:42:00.004-06:00

Last week, I had a few vacation hours that needed to be used... soooo I headed down to Atlanta to see some of my favorite people. My Sis, my bun-in-the-oven neice... affectionately called "Baby Bump" and this little face right here, my nephew Tayo!

Always the comedian, I had to share this pic which was pretty much the state of our faces the entire time. Smiles, smiles and more smiles!

Leaving lots of details out... for time's sake, I will suffice to say that after such a great weekend we all were left with happy faces and happy hearts!
I am so grateful... for the precious time we were given.

Dear Daddy,
Thanks!
For being YOU... and for being able to cheer away the chill of Winter in both the natural and within my heart. The Love of family and the joy of children so filled with Light, Life and incredible imagination has a way of bringing sunshine that fills us up so beautifully!
Renewal happened...and I feel the anticipation of Spring. Newness!
I welcome all that is in store, knowing you have reviewed it all and smiled upon it.
My heart is happy, because of Your plan and your provision.
Bless my precious family. May they remain joyful throughout the week, even as I will. May we always remember to smile up at You, as You smile upon us.
Lord, let the Light of Your face shine on us.
You are radiantly lovely and we long for You...
In Jesus' Name.
amen.

Blessings and Brokeness - Day 2

2010-02-18T20:28:00.005-06:00

Today was eventful.
It felt like Christmas as an amazing friend honored me with some much needed resources... just in the knick of time. They just kept coming...and I was overwhelmed with gratitude!

It felt like heartbreak, as I grieved with other friends who lost their jobs today.

A little sweetness... and alot of bitter.

Jesus, I wonder if your journey was like that while you walked the Earth.
How I long to have a peek at one of your really good days... you know, where you laughed and maybe played a bit. I'm sure I'd be touched to see a time when the loving-kindness of one of your friends caused your heart to feel such bliss.
I know so much more about your painful times... of being mocked, scorned, judged, accused and even worse.

How often did you smile? Was your laughter like a giggle or a roar. Wow, Jesus... did you snort???
:0)

I like thinking about You... imagining You.
Focusing on You.
It really helped today... because I saw you in the beautiful moments... and I clung to you in the Brokeness.

Thanks for being YOU.
amen.

Ash Wednesday...

2010-02-17T20:48:00.004-06:00

So, I didn't go to church anywhere and have ashes put on my forehead... but I think it's a pretty cool ritual. This t-shirt made me laugh.

In all my years, I can not say that I have actually seen anyone walking around with the ash marks still on their forehead. Weird? I wonder why not?

I'll put that on my list of things to consider next year. It might spur some good conversation, after all.

That reminds me of something I was thinking about during my prayer time this morning...

I was wondering if the way people broadcast what they are fasting took away from the depth of the season. What I came away with, is the fact that this ritual is a community effort... a communal practice. The people spoke openly about this in days long ago and I believe that it is a wonderful way to walk through rememberance together.

Once again, since I am new to Lent, I decided that just to be sure... I would keep my public proclamation of no coffee and no sugar, but I will also make a few private commitments as well.

Day 1 has proven to be interesting. My public confessions were well minded. I did not stray. However, my private ones were not as successful. I wouldn't say I failed miserably... but I did already unintentionally miss the mark.

I have no intention of chiding myself... only observing and learning. So to that, I say... I will be more mindful to ask the Holy Spirit's assistance in keeping my intentions in those areas.

Are you observing Lent this year? Have you always/ever?

If so, what does it mean to you?

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Blessings,

Tracye

Sigh-Lent... here I go.

2010-02-16T19:27:00.005-06:00

I am filled with several emotions tonight, as I set out on a new adventure. Although, this is not a new practice for many of my friends of other denominations.
It comes at the perfect time... and it comes at the hardest time.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which begins the observence of Lent. It is the beginning of a 40 day ritual, where believers prepare themselves through fasting, giving and repentence... to better remember the death, burial and resurrection of Our Lord, Jesus Christ during the Holy Week of Easter.

This year, I feel compelled to participate.

I do not know much at all about what it means to do this... but I know that some time of denying myself, getting outside of my own need and turning my eyes toward Jesus is exactly the prescription for what ails me right now.

Over the next 40 days, I will be blogging ... as a way of making and keeping a public confession of commitment. I would be honored if you would share the journey in whatever way you feel inclined.

Looking forward to the journey...

Tracye

Please stand clear of barricades!

2009-11-28T07:44:00.006-06:00

Have you ever felt like your life is Under Construction?

Okay, perpetually?

Maybe you want to wear a warning sign to tell the people around you to be careful... this part of me aint so pretty and it's not quiet "finished" yet?

This airport sign kept staring at me while I waited the other morning.

I immediately identified with what the baggage claim area was going through. It was in transition... getting a makeover. You know, being improved! And someone put up some cardboard barricades to cover up the construction and keep not only the work area... but also, the people around it as safe as possible.

Geesh, isn't that like our lives? Our hearts?

I thought about how we try to find prettier ways to transport our baggage whereever we go... or to disguise that it's even there. We invite new people into our lives and get excited about the journey we are on with them. The ride is enjoyable, often times, until we head down to the baggage claim area and begin to collect our luggage.

This got me to thinking about a conversation with a new friend who challenged me about this very subject. One night, during a conversation...there I was, thinking I'm just the picture of openness, sharing and fun. I offered the pretty parts... which I would envision to be the cute little Prada suitcase and maybe my absolutely adorable matching toiletries bag. But he wanted to know what was behind my cardboard wall. He had the audacity (okay, okay..."interest") to inquire about my construction area. He pointed it out... and instead of being repelled by it, came closer and continued to inquire.

(Insert nervous fidgeting and chirping crickets while girl tried to think of some brilliant explaination).

Brilliance... never came.

So since you stopped and read this post... my not-easily-evaded friend, a staring airport sign and I (the fidgety girl) would like to know about your construction areas.
Can you relate? And if so, what does your sign say?

Pondering... as always,

Tray

Today, I am Thankful for:

2009-11-26T20:53:00.003-06:00

My sweet sister-friend Valerie, who drove me to the airport at 5 am this morning... to keep me from paying long-term parking fees for the next 5 days. Now THAT'S Love :0)
liquid sunshine that came in a red, festive cup at the Nashville airport Starbucks. I was ridiculously excited to try the new Creme Brulee Latte... but unfortunately they were out of syrup. Whoa is me... I had to settle for a Pumpkin Spice latte. (such a hard life ;0)
a not-so-packed flight that allowed me to stretch out in comfort and sleep like a baby!
an oversleeping sister, Trina... who wasn't there to pick me up when my flight landed 30 mins early. This gave me time to grab my bags, find a quiet space and just kick up my feet for a little bit before all of the busyness began.
a bright, smiley 4 year old, Tayo (my nephew)... beaming at me from the backseat... with that signature Dukes Family 1000 watt smile. Be still my heart :0)
the love of my Mommy... and the ability to embrace her for the first time since her surgery. Oh God, thank you for the chance to do that again... never, ever will I take a single hug for granted.
the joy that flows from my Daddy! When he enters the room, I can't help but get excited. I always have and always will!
a sister who is the best delegator I know... and her commandeering of the kitchen to present a Thanksgiving meal fit for Royalty! After all, we are the DUKES family ;)
a wonderful after dinner walk and talk with my big brother, Hines... and then a quick trip to the playground with my favorite 4 year old, Tayo!
wonderful time spent with one of our greatest family-friends, Vanessa... there's always great laughter and reflection when we get together. You've just gotta love those relationships that have lasted for over 25 years. Wow!
sweet phone calls from my bestie, emails and countless texts from friends and loved ones all over the globe
the assurance that we are not alone in this world... and that God's love through many abundantly overflows. My heart is refreshed by togetherness and celebration. I am soo Thankful for all of You.

With a satisfied heart,

Tracye

Word-Filled Wednesday : He Satisfies

2009-11-25T08:45:00.006-06:00

Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men,
For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.
Psalm 107:8-9

Happy Thanksgiving Eve to You, today!

What a wonderful scripture to ponder today.
I really need to hear those words over and over again in my heart.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and Gratitude, I lift up to God today... my questioning heart, so over-burdened with cares and I press in to the last lines of today's quote.

For HE satifies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things!

Oh Lord,

We are so thirsty and hungry for good things.
We are restless and searching... looking longingly at one another to be filled and satisfied.
Yet, all too often, we are left empty and still in need.

Thank you, today... for this treasure in Your word.
Thank you for the reminder that YOU ALONE are the one Who gives us the feast we are craving.
Oh Father, open our eyes and reveal to our malnourished hearts the Truth that You are our satisfaction.
May we drink deeply and no longer thirst.
May we eat heartily and be filled.
May we KNOW You... and be satisfied.
For YOU are good.

With a Thankful heart,
Tracye

Enjoy more wonderful Word Filled Wednesday posts visit Susan.

What is it?

2009-11-24T20:48:00.002-06:00

She fidgets
She wrestles
and struggles to hide it.

She fights it
Denies it
and yet it's inside her

She wants it
She hates it
but can't live without it

What is it
Can't place it
It's bigger than life

Saints & Angels

2009-05-16T11:20:00.003-05:00

Hey there!!!

I am working on pulling together some songs for a summer concert here in Nashville and came across this one. Sara Evans is one of my fav country music singers and "Saints & Angels" just touches me sweetly. The music, the rhythm... the lyrics resonate in a deep part of me and I think I'll add it to the list.

I'd love for you to take a listen to a practice recording from this morning. The vocals are pretty low at times due to the high level of compression needed for a cheap mic ;0) Lyrics are below in case you need them. Well, I told you it was a PRACTICE session. So anyway...let me know what you think. Yes, I want your honest feedback :0)

In case the video doesn't come through... here's the link: http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/bf1306ad9

We're only human baby
we walk on broken ground
We lose our way, we come unwound

We're turnin' circles baby
We're never satisfied
We fall from grace, forget we CAN fly
But through all of the tears that we cry
We'll survive

Cause when we're torn apart
Shattered and scarred
Love has the grace to save us
We're just two tarnished hearts,
But in each other's arms
We become saints and angels

I love your imperfections
I love your everything
Your broken heart, your broken wings
I love you when you hold me
And when you turn away,
I love you still, and i'm not afraid
Cause I know you feel the same way
And you'll stay

Cause when we're torn apart
Shattered and scarred
Love has the grace to save us
We're just two tarnished hearts,
But in each other's arms
We become saints and angels

These feet of clay (feet of clay)
They will not stray

Cause when we're torn apart
Shattered and scarred
Love has the grace to save us
We're just two tarnished hearts,
But in each other's arms
We become saints and angels

(saints and angels...saints and angels...)

Enjoy!
Tracye

Making room for promises...

2009-03-02T06:37:00.007-06:00

What a wonderful weekend it's been...
I feel more rested then I have in weeks and a new sense of hope is swirling within me.
Hope for what? Well, I am not exactly sure... I am just peaceful in places that have not felt serene for quite some time.

Thank God.

As I turn the planner pages to reveal a new week and the official beginning of business in March, I am sensing something new. Maybe it's the promise of Spring... as Life is working it's way through the soil and roots are going deeper to prepare a life source for the colorful blooms we will soon enjoy in nature.
Winter's chill and apparent dormancy was only a grand stage curtain, covering the busyness of new life's preparation. Something glorious is about to appear.

That's it... I remember now. It's promises from long ago... even those that became too hard to believe. The ones that hurt sometimes to remember. They are pushing through the soil... and being made ready for their appearance.

As you and I make our plans for the week... and even this month, I extend to you a joyful challenge. Will you join me, in making room for your heart's desires?
Will you clear away time to do that thing you long for... or to be with the one(s) you've been waiting on?
I believe it will be worth it.

Enjoy this day... knowing that something beautiful is coming :0)

Oh God... how precious it is to ponder Your Faithfulness and to remember back on times when You've come through. Spring is on the horizon, and in my heart... I feel that it brings with it some long standing desires that have been unfulfilled until now. Receive my thanks in advance... as my heart swells with great joy just thinking about how good You are.
Lord, for all of us, who are in the waiting, for those secret things that You whispered so long ago... may you grant us peace and endow us with a patience that we can no longer conjure up on our own. It is only by Your Spirit that we can wait with joy.
Show us how, to make room for You... and the fulness that You long to bring with Your presence.
With Love and great Gratitude... in the Name of Jesus!
Amen :)
Have a beautiful day,
Tray

Ramblings, really...

2009-03-01T09:55:00.003-06:00

Hi there,

It's a snow day in Nashville, and I'm just not feeling the hustle and bustle this weekend... so it's music, internet and phone calls for me :)

Ella is crooning the sweetest "Sunday Kind of Love" in the background and my cup of peppermint tea is offering warm comfort to my senses. Sometimes it's nice to just stay in.

There's been alot on my mind, as always. Yet, I've chosen not to broadcast what I've written publicly, lately. Understanding that there are seasons for everything... that is about to change, once again.

I realize now, more than ever... that I was created to share my thoughts, feelings, hopes, etc. It is simply who I am... and I find that the more courage and self love that I exhibit in talking about the hard things... the more I see people around who would not normally express themselves begin to do the same.
I am also realizing that this character trait is not just about other people. It is about me.
And that is okay.

It is okay for me to do things simply because I want to.
Not because it is going to be something profound for other people.
But because it is going to be what is fulfilling to me as well.

I love that about life.
I love that about learning.

I wish I could have realized these things before now.
I wish I could have lived my whole life including myself in the picture along with everyone else.

As I move more into "dating" mode, it is so interesting to see the different characters that come into my life. It's also amazing to see the different sides of me that they bring out. How crazy is it, to live for 30 years thinking you know who you are... and then realize that there are portions of your life that you have had no clue about!

It has been so important for me to have it all together all of these years... and now all of a sudden (or maybe not so suddenly), it feels more important to be able to be vulnerable... to be a little weak.
Sharing my needs is not easy for me at all. But I find that in relationships, there is a certain necessity for allowing someone else to provide for you in the ways that they feel confident and competent.

I am learning to give what's in my heart a voice... whether or not it will be received by all... or even many. Sometimes the sharing is simply about the one who is sharing... and that's okay too.

Today, I am staying in.
Today, I am changing.
Today, I am okay.

Dear Lord,
What a jumbled up mess of a person I can be some days... yet I feel your love so close and so constant. Thank you for urging me to share today. I pray that each person reading this will know that what they hold within them is worthy of expression. Lord, we were not put here on this Earth to only offer the perfected parts of ourselves... but to extend invitations daily, to intertwine with one another. Often times, that will not be the simplest process. And even more often than that, there will be misunderstandings and parts of ourselves that are exposed that we wish could have remained hidden. Oh God, I pray that we will all give grace to one another and also to ourselves for not being perfect. May our blemishes not cause us to hide. And in the same respect, may we also not be so repulsed by the ugly parts of one another, that we push each other away. Help us, to embrace. In Jesus' Name :)

Tray

Ponder with me, will ya?

2008-07-08T06:45:00.004-05:00

Just another quickie post this morning...

I have been thinking alot lately of how we are affected by others. The way they treat us... whether they accept us or not... it really has a huge impact on our well being. And it should to some extent... but I am wondering just how much.

There is nothing like the feeling of a great new friend... you know... they get alllll excited to see you, pick your calls up within the first two rings, answer your texts almost immediately and invite you to just about everything. They are so careful to make you feel welcome, compliment you often and tread lightly in conversations to be sure not to offend you in any way. It's an interesting thing.
But somehow, as familiarity sets in... those beginning acts of respect and adoration will wane.
Oh don't worry... I am talking mostly to myself and asking these questions to my own heart.

Why is it we offer so much in the beginning and then fizzle out so soon after?

And then it's on to the next new person, who is just the best thing in the world... until they do or say something we don't like... or that spoils the fantasy of "perfect fit"?

Is it our assumptions?
Maybe our expectations?
Or the thrill of the chase?
Possibly the discomfort of too much of our own brokeness being revealed?

Tell me... what do you think?

Happy Monday - Positive Psychology

2008-07-07T06:42:00.003-05:00

Happy Monday to you!

I don't have much time before I need to scoot out of the door and make it ON TIME for our Monday morning staff meeting. Before I go, I wanted to share a little.
Last night, as I mentally began to prepare for this busy week ahead... I thought about how Monday mornings can be such a dread. You know, you're having such a great time with friends and family on the weekend... that going back to work just sounds like punishment.

If you know me... you know that I'm always analyzing and working on negativity. We can thank my Dad... oh follower of Norman Vincent Peale and many other Positive thinking gurus. He always had motivation type books and Guidepost magazines around the house when I was growing up. He and I share a great love for "Thinking Happy Thoughts"!

So I thought it might be fun to share something I "happened" upon this weekend. During some needed downtime, in between celebrations... I came home and did some surfing on the internet. I don't know what it was that lead me to YouTube... but I ended up finding someone else who believes in being happy.
Shawn Achor, is/was a Professor at Harvard and teaches Positive Psychology (I mean, who knew there was such a thing)! Take a minute and watch this clip on the Unicorn Story.

Well I just realized that I can't actually link the video here... but here is the URL... click on it and enjoy. (Shawn Achor's Unicorn Story)

I've got to get going for work now, but I hope you have a super happy day today!!!

Smiley Saturday - 4th of July!

2008-07-05T15:16:00.006-05:00

4th of July is just a day full of opportunities for smiling!

This year, amongst other festivities, we sat on a corner of the Bicentennial Mall and watched an amazing fireworks show. I think all of us "grownups" were grinning and giggling like little kids. There were a few ooohs and ahhhs, that then brought on more giggles and playful bantering. It was a great time of allowing ourselves to enjoy an awesome part of our country's heritage with Wide-Eyed Wonder!!

I was only able to get a couple of pics before my camera decided to die (Boo!)

Welp, I am going to keep it short and simple today... gotta get back to celebrating!!!

Happy Holiday Weekend Everyone :0)

Unconscious Mutterings

2008-06-28T20:22:00.003-05:00

Thought this was fun... so why not.
You can playing along too at Unconscious Mutterings .

Goodbye :: Not another one :(

Cage :: Bird singing

Buddy :: Be my friend

Magic words :: Open sesame

Library :: stillness... peace

Fall in love :: I want to

Tense :: How I've felt lately

Work! :: Overwhelming

Empty :: sometimes a good thing

Heat wave :: We're having a heat wave.... a tropical heat wave :0) That song comes to mind

Smiley Saturday...

2008-06-28T11:01:00.007-05:00

Happy Saturday All!

Upon my quest to be a better blogger (say that 7 times... haha), I have come to enjoy memes.

What is a meme, you ask? Well, for a longer explaination, you can visit TheDailyMeme. But from what I've seen they are one of two things:

* A weekly question, list of questions or request that an author will post to their blog. Others will read it, copy and past the questions to their own blog and link back to the original authors blog so that others can read their answer too.* Or the 2nd way I have seen them used is that an auther will answer a list of questions on their blog and then TAG others by going to their blog and leaving them a comment that they have been tagged to participate.

So, if you're like me... a ponderer... things like this are fun cause I like to give my opinion very much! Haha! And I also like to know what you're thinking too.

Today, I found this cute meme... Smiley Saturday on Lightening Online, and the objective is to post about something that makes you smile! Of course... smiling is one of my favorite things to do... so I snatched this one up quickly.

One of the little someone's who makes me smile the most is my very silly and fun nephew, Tayo. He is just dang adorable. So I thought I'd share his pic... which will probably do the trick with making you smile.

Happy Saturday Everybody... Hope you're smiling :0)

Tray

Bare Souls and Burning Spirits!!!

2008-06-25T06:05:00.003-05:00

Donald Miller, the author of "Blue like Jazz", uses words in the most luxurious way. Yet, I think what draws me and so many others to his work, is that the finished work... although full of intricacies, is quite simple and easy to understand.

I happened upon a copy of "Through Painted Deserts" on Monday, and have been intrigued at the turn of each page. Put maybe a little too simplistically, this book is a memoir of Don's three-month road trip spent crossing country in a Volkswagen camping van. As the back cover teases, Don and his buddy Paul "dive headlong into the deepest of human questions and find answers outside words - answers that have to be experienced to be believed".

After beginning the 2nd chapter this morning, I invite you to find a copy yourself and dig in... as this work has already proven a worthy adventure.

Last night, I rehearsed with friends, as part of a new work that God is doing. It is amazing to be a part of this ministry. I will share more in blogs to come about what we're about. But what I want to say most today, is how stunned and blessed I was last night, as I watched the power of speaking the Truth IN LOVE overcome the silence's potential to breed confusion and hard feelings. Frustrations arose in many of us and the temptation was to internalize, judge and harbor negative feelings.
We could have left it all that way.
We could have remained unchanged.

What I experienced last night was a group of beautifully broken people... ready and willing to do life differently than before. We all shared openly of our personal struggles and gave one another glimpses into one another's brokeness. What a wondrous time we had, being willing to be visibly weak and watching the strength of God that arose in those moments.
I am so grateful to step out on the waters with these men and women of God... and be ministered to as we minister.
Thank you, friends.

What touched me the most from my reading in Don's book this morning, was the quote from a song by Robert Earl Keen Jr's song, "Road to No Return".
It resonated and echoed thoughts from last night and also reassured me that this journey we are on will not lead us back to the same places we have already been.
It is a new day. This is a new place in God that we are walking... and it is not for us to turn around. Yes, we may find that in taking steps forward on this path, we revisit some places we have once tread... but we can find comfort and joy in knowing it will not ever be as it was before. Praise the Lord!

But each new morning sunrise

Is just as good as gold

And all the hope inside you

Will keep you from the cold

Bare your soul and let your spirit burn

Out along the road to no return

Daddy,

I pray today, that we all would do just that. May we "BARE OUR SOULS AND LET OUR SPIRITS BURN"!!! What a wonderful time of healing and bonding you allowed last night. My heart is ever grateful.

May each reader of this words, find a place of strength in You today, that gives them the reassurance that they can be weak. I am absolutely there... and I never want to regain my own strength again.

Lord, I humbly lay myself bare today... wherever I go. Even on my job, oh Lord, let me be willing to ask for help. Let me open my mouth and speak of my needs... and feel the comfort of those who come to bring what they can offer. Help me not to squirm when arms are wrapped around me... or to struggle to stand, as a sweet hand is reached toward me. We so desperately need You... and your love that is poured out through your children. Help us, to receive it today.

And God, as we find that bare place... may our spirits BURN with a fire for You! May it burn brighter and hotter than ever before. There is nothing like knowing that we are truly loved.

And as we allow Truth to rise in us and around us... finding beauty in brokeness and hope in humility... may we know that place of extreme passion! No more lukewarmness God!! We cry out for even more! Holy Fire, come and purify... burn away everything unlike You and cause us to come as pure Gold!

We love and adore you!!

In Jesus' name... amen.

Tray

What will you decree?

2008-06-17T06:53:00.002-05:00

Did you know that you are Royalty?

You and I are called, as sons and daughters of the Most High God... to BE a chosen generation!

This idea of walking in our Royal inheritence is such a rich idea to ponder today.

1 Peter 2:9 says ... But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are a kingdom of priests, God's holy nation, his very own possession. This is so you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

And I love the Message Bible version that puts it this way:
But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you

We have been given the ability to speak out the exaltation of Our God today. In everything we say, we are making decrees! May our mouths be used for the building up of the Kingdom, the loving exhortation of one another and to show the goodness of God who has brought us out of our darkness.

Whether you consider yourself a Princess or a Queen... I pray we may all rule well with our words... our gifts... and that each decree we make will bring Him Glory!!!

With a happy heart,
Tracye

Toronto

2008-06-16T19:13:00.008-05:00

So I realized today, as I thought about what I should share... that I have not blogged about my incredible time out of the country.

It's been almost two months ago now, since a group of friends and I decided to run for the border (well the Northern one anyway)!

Can I just say that I am so proud of us for not just talking about it... the way we so often do... but we actually planned it out and made it happen.

Soooo details, details, huh?

As you may or may not know, I am a part of a church body that is very into the "things of the Spirit"... or yielding to the leading of the Holy Spirit in our services and every day life. Signs, Wonders, Miracles, healings and the like, are a part of our culture.

Within this movement in The Body, are people who live to go deeper into these things... my little group of friends included.

Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship, was the birthplace of the first major North American Revival known as the Toronto Blessing. You may have heard of the 2nd one a little more, which was called The Brownsville Revival, in Pensacola, Fl. Now, we are living in what is being tagged as the Third Wave. Down in Lakeland, FL... the Lord is using a man by the name of Todd Bentley to bring about the Florida_Outpouring!

Okay, so the Florida Outpouring is an entirely separate blog to come...

Back to Toronto!

We decided to go up for a conference called "Going Deeper, Going Higher"... where Patricia King, Randy Clark, Duncan Smith and John & Carol Arnott would be ministering. Also, we were so pleased that Alberto&Kimberly_Rivera, were leading worship. Alberto was the Worship Pastor at our church for several years, and Kimberly led the congregation with the most gorgeous prophetic songs, that are sung over people! If you've never experienced their ministry, take some time to listen on their website... or on Myspace. You will be so blessed.

While we were at the Conference, I can not even begin to tell you how blown away I was with how this church poured out everything they had been given. Never, had I ever experienced people who seemed to be desperate to minister to others. They were so desperate to GIVE AWAY everything that had been imparted to them. With each message, with each revelation spoken, we were given the opportunity to receive impartation through laying on of hands. It was the cry of their hearts for each and every one of us to go back to our cities... our countries and give away everything we had been freely given.

For the first time in my life, I had a new paradigm about laboring in ministry.

I had been a part of mega-ministry... pouring out all that I had and giving away what I had, only to come away drained and sometimes feeling empty.

But as I watched these people lay hands on thousands of people and still shine with great joy and enthusiasm... I was changed.

When I returned, I realized that I had received a great impartation... I now was able to operate in ministry at a new place. As I gave away what I had... as I spoke words of edification, sung songs over people, prayed for the sick and imparted Holy Fire... it was as if each time I gave it away... it just MULTIPLIED!!!

I am still amazed, even 2 months later... that I seem to be infused with greater strength and even more zeal as I speak, sing and allow God to use my life. What a wonderful change!!!

There were so many special things about this trip... one of them was finding this little tulip garden. Here from right to left... is Marakia, Tonda and me... sitting in front of the tulips that made my heart smile... knowing that God knows the deepest desires in me... and He loves on me in the sweetest of ways.

Tulips are my favorite flower... and the message of to my heart that He spoke was "I see you, I love you and I long to bless you... Everything is going to be alright".

The Lord used tulips to speak this same message to me, some six years ago... when I arrived in Nashville... a 26 year old wide-eyed girl, just longing to be obedient to His leading.

When it hit me that I was actually in a foreign land, knowing no one and began to feel the fear of the unknown... I drove into my apartment complex and was overwhelmed with tulips! They were everywhere... and in my heart, the Lord reassured me... everything was going to be alright.

And He was so faithful then... and I believe He will be as I once again move into the unknown.

Finally... the most unexpected blessing that absolutely changed my life... was when we took the hour long trip from Toronto to Ontario. There we visited one of the places on my "do-before-i-die" list!!

We went to NIAGRA FALLS!!!!

I had no idea that I would have

one of the deep desires of my heart

fulfilled on this trip.

It was amazing to all of us, after having been in such powerful meetings all week long to have such an overwhelming end to this time together.

As we turned the corner from the highway, onto the main road where the Falls began... we saw two rainbows right above. I had never seen this before... not a double rainbow with the arches over one another... but two rainbows, side by side!!!

We were overtaken with awe.

To us, God spoke powerful... just as He did to Noah... using the rainbow as a sign of promise. We believe it was a sign of double portion... double promise!

This is my favorite pic that I was honored to take!! Isn't it exquisite?

God is outrageously the most captivating artist!!!

I pray tonight, that you are experiencing the manifestation of your heart's greatest desires.

One of the messages that the Lord gave me to share while I was in Toronto... was that there is now an end to "Hope Deferred"... and an entrance into "Desires fulfilled"!!!

I will share more about this, probably tomorrow because I feel it very strongly during this season... in my own life... and in The Body of Christ!!!

May you know that what you care about... is important. Your desires are not so random. They are a part of your purpose and the fabric of your spiritual DNA.

As the waters of Niagra resounding the message of God's love to me... I ask that He would bring a sign of His promise to you today... that will impact you in the same way and even more.

Blessings to you! Thanks for stopping by :0)

Tracye

He's Home...so it's ok.

2008-06-14T20:44:00.004-05:00

My heart... what a wild place.
Just sitting here thinking how cool it is to know that Jesus chose it for His place to dwell within me.
He's so amazing... to pick the most chaotic residence possible.
The very thought, makes me a little more quiet, peaceful, and well... still.

I've been fidgety today. Not so much outwardly, but on the inside.
Yes, from Glory to Glory I go... one moment in the heights... and at another looking up from the valley. I'm not in either of those places today... and I feel something coming. Something I dare to call wonderful... yet the unknown of it is a bit unsettling.

Am I ready for another major change?
I don't know.
Can I even worry with the wonder? Well, yes... but the better question is... will it really do me any good.

So I sit with my questioning heart tonight... and remind myself that He has made His home in me...

Maybe your a little fidgety tonight too?
If so... then I hope you might settle into that thought for a little while...
He's Home... so it's ok.

Peace to you, my friend.
Tracye

P.S. Jesus, I tried to just end this without speaking to you publicly... but somehow it all seemed too unfinished. You see, more than just talking about You... I just love to talk TO You... so much! And I wanted to say something to You for everyone to hear. I really love you... I mean... REALLY REALLY love You!
Just the mention of your name and I am blown away.
At the thought of Your presence being so near, I am moved to tears.
You overwhelm me... in the most indescribable ways.
I never want another to take Your place in my heart... so I don't know what that fully means to You and the plan You have for my life... but I know it means to me... that I'm very happy with our home... just the way it is. Nevertheless, You know best and I completely trust You to make the best decision. Thank You... for just letting me lay my head on Your heart... and be soothed while I wait. Maybe You'll speak... or maybe we'll just remain in quietness together.
That's ok.
I'm ok... cause You... are...home.

Falling!

2008-02-24T19:43:00.004-06:00

What a fun weekend...
Did something I haven't done in maaany years.

Oh my gosh, I went roller skating for the first time in probably like 15 years!
I wish I could say that it was like riding a bike... but um... nope, is was NOT :0)

Everyone that I was with... was like a pro... so I felt horrible when I found myself flying through the air and landing on my behind.

It was pretty hysterical... and yes, I had fun :0)

From there... it was off to Karaoke... where we danced the night away.... OMG!
Though I didn't get the nerve up to sing... our crazy group hardly ever left the dance floor for about 2 1/2 hours!!!

Soooo.... all that to say that I'm doing really good right now. Having alot of fun and enjoying life in so many ways. I am falling.... literally and yes... in "that" way too. It's good... really good.
It's nice to feel alive again.

More later... i promise :0)

Hey Love,

What a great night the other night!
It's so great to grow smaller with You.
It's amazing how after the most painful seasons of my life... I can find myself experiencing more bliss and enjoyment then I have in years.
YOU are my reason why.
In a room full of the most incredible people... You still hold my heart!
Thank you for leading me to a wonderful group of crazy friends... and allowing me to be young and a little bit crazy.
I'm loving exploring all of the parts of who you created me to be.... especially the ones that have been stifled for awhile.
It feels so good to fall in love again.

I love you, amen.
Tray

Stormy Weather...

2008-02-06T05:48:00.000-06:00

It's been pretty crazy here in Nashville.
Temperatures have been mixed up and the atmosphere is just mad about it!

Turbulence. Unrest. Disquiet.
All of the things that are happening in nature... and I see it in my heart as well.

God is shaking us.
He is stirring us from our slumberous lives... walking around not fully awake... not hearing His sound or seeing the signs.

Solomon already told us that our quests here are all in vain, yet we continue to gorge ourselves on what is void and empty... and we still want more.

Last night, I was a bit annoyed that my Tuesday night plans were interrupted. Living on my own personal island called "just me and what I want to do"... I don't have to surrender to someone else's ideas unless I choose to. And I find that the older I get, the harder it is to allow someone else to make decisions for me.
Well, when Biggest Loser was pre-empted for news broadcasting about Tornado warnings, I was upset. My mind muttered something about how they should just have a special channel for this kind of stuff.
And then, the conditions outside caused me to lose wireless internet connection. Now I was super-mad! This is ridiculous!
Now, I not only can't get my weekly fix of weight loss motivation... I can't put my Avon orders together either cause I CAN'T GET ONLINE... MY LIFE IS OVER .... AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!

So I pouted for a few seconds and flailing myself down on the couch, I finally became still.
It was then that I heard the reporter speaking with great concern in his voice.
All around the area, people were being devastated... losing their homes and their lives.
Oh.
Oh my gosh.

Sleeping Beauty (Brat in this case), was awakened from her self made slumber.
Oh, God... it's not about me.
It's not about my wants and my plans.

All of a sudden, my tiny little island became connected to the world again.

And in those quiet hours, He was able to speak to my heart and restore my peace... all in the midst of the storm.

To The One Who says "Peace Be Still", and the winds obey... I say thank you.
Once again, You answered the cries of my broken soul... even when I did not know the words to speak.
You amaze me with your overwhelming Love and the power that you have to stay any storm... whether it is physical or emotional.
You are The Healer... You are in control.
Father, be with those who have been ravished by storms outside. And God, please draw so close to those who feel as though their mental and emotional ships have been capsized.
You are in our boats with us.
And we can rest... in the midst of the Storms... because You are.

With great gratitude and an awakened heart... i love you.
tracye

Laying down my cape...

2008-02-04T05:22:00.001-06:00

So I don't really feel very prolific these days... just a jumbled mess of a girl who often feels she wants to stop the world and get off.
Been feelin' alot like that lately... and so that's exactly what I've been doing.

It's amazing to me, how taking time for yourself affects the people around you. We can all be so self-absorbed (insert self in that statement first). When someone pulls away from us, the very first thing we often think is "what did I do wrong... or what is it about me that's so bad".
Maybe, just maybe, that person has some stuff to work out for THEMSELVES!!!

Okay, I'm ranting...
And that's were I've been lately... so I've tried to save you from having to endure it... endure me.

I'm learning that about myself... that I'm always trying to save someone from something... or someone.
Um... not my job!
So why is it such a passion?
It's not always because I care... well, not so much.

It's just more of a role that I acquired a long time ago... that seemed to work for me. You know, grant me some favor... make me a little more "necessary" in important people's lives.

But did God ever ask me to be anyone's Superhero?
(blink... blink... sound of crickets)
I'll take that as a NO!

I'm laying down my cape.

Hey Superman...
I realllly need you today.
My attitude is just not the best and I'm not doing so well with seeing what you see.
This is definitely a day for some much needed rescue.

Today, I choose to take my cape off and lay it down at your feet. I give up... this saving the world business is much too much for me.
Will you still let me just be your sidekick?
I think I'd like that...

I don't need much... just Your hand to hold and Your presence, so that I don't feel quite so alone.
Will you speak up for me, when I just don't know what to say? You know, give me the answers when my feeble mind fails?

Can I rest in You, even as I work?
I really need to.
I love you.
Amen.

2008-02-02T20:49:00.000-06:00

There's so much going on.
Today, my head spins with thoughts about just everything.
Are you like me... always thinking about a million things, all at one time?
Sometimes I laugh when someone says... "You're so calm" or "You're just so quiet". Whew, if they only knew the clattering clutter in my brain.

Welp, that's just who I am... a thinker.
Constantly pondering things, questioning and wondering.

This year is moving so fast.
January has brought more new things, friends and adventures. It's fun to learn how to let go of all the Shoulds and Have to's... and realize that I DON'T really have to do any of that.
Yep... I'm a rebel.
And I'm okay with that.

So what do you blog about on a day that you've decided to share your thoughts on paper... but the million and one in your head are all fighting for the Headline?

I think for today, I'll just suffice it to stop in and say hi... let you know that I'm thinking about you... amongst the many other things.

Oh, I know... I'll share with you a song that seems to stay on the Jukebox of My Mind alot lately.
Ever since the New Year's Eve show that she sang on... I've been pretty smitten with Natasha Bedingfield's music. There's just something about her voice that I really connect with. I remember how much I liked her song "Unwritten" a couple years back.
Now, I'm totally intrigued by "Love like this".
The original radio version is my fav... but I was jamming out today and came across this really cool acoustic version that totally rocked me.

Enjoy... my 2nd favorite song right now:

Festive!

2007-12-04T06:11:00.000-06:00

It's that time of year again... I love it! The grumpiest of people, suddenly come alive... and instead of a scowl, they dawn a bright, shiny smirk!

Even the harshest of smiles is beautiful.... at Christmas time! LOL!

Wow, what a morning. I want to take off of work and smather my house with white lights and red bows... the smell of hot cocoa and cranberry candles aglow. (Sorry about the random rhyming... I just can't help it sometimes).

What a wonderful way to finish this year.... with great joy and happy, happy times!

I think my favorite saying is "Let's be festive together"!!!

And THAT is what I want for Christmas... my every joy enclosed within that request. To share joy and laughter with those that I love... is the greatest gift to my heart.

I am reminded in this moment of all the beautiful things about this life. News of sweet bundles of joy, wrapped in swaddling clothes... (well little London is probably in Baby Gap... so excuse my creative interpretations)... and my other little one... Baby D... so affectionately named "Kid" by mommy and daddy... is still baking! But Auntie Tracye is already excited for you too. She's been asking for you to come for a looooong time... with visions of playing at the park, then heading for ice cream... dancing in her head!!!

I'm just so excited.

Children are such a joy... oh yes, and remember that sweet little nephew of mine that stole my heart and won't let go... Here he is at 2 years old!

Sooo silly... and so much fun!!!
Christmas reminds us to be child-like... and well festive!!!

Have a great day :0)
tray

Tyler Perry's "Why did I get married"

2007-10-27T13:04:00.000-05:00

Tyler Perry's new movie Whydidigetmarried is AWESOME... an absolute must see!

I saw it for the first time last night... and have plans to go back again really soon.

If you have ever been in a relationship, period... this movie will speak to you on every level.

One of the most powerful messages that this movie addresses is the idea of 80/20.
I believe that this principle came from T.D. Jakes, who was the first person I heard it from... however, he could have been passing on someone else's revelation as well.
Nevertheless, it is amazing.

80/20 is a concept that goes like this....
You will only receive about 80% of what you want and need from the main relationship in your life. For alot of people this is marriage, or a significant other.
What happens, is that we place so much importance on that 20% that is missing... that when someone comes along who has it... we leave the one we're with to be with what seems better.

The problem is... that we have left the 80%... for only 20%!!!
Isn't it amazing.

I have seen this principle alive in my own life in so many ways....
and I personally believe that it is not only in relationships... but with careers, peer groups, churches and many other areas.
How many times have I made a change... thinking.... Oh my gosh, this is it... this is what I've always wanted. FINALLY! THANK YOU JESUS!!!
Only to find... a month, two months into it.... ummmm this isn't really as great as I thought it was going to be.
Ah man... he's just not as amazing as I first thought...
oh no... this person really has some serious "issues"... hahah.
And the worst part of all.... I think I'm really missing what I already had.

What was I thinking?

Yep... been there, done that.... seems a million times.

Anyway... I just wanted to share a little about that movie... cause it's really amazing. And that principle is so powerful too.

Jesus,

Thank you that you are not 20% or even 80%... you are the full 100% and beyond!
You continue to blow my mind and it's limitation... and make me aware that I have YOUR mind and YOUR thoughts.
I'm so glad that no matter what state we all find ourselves in... we can find contentment in you.
We can stop looking for anyone else to be what we think we want and need... and simply enjoy each person for the goodness that they do bring.
Thanks for Tyler Perry... and his brilliant mind. You've done marvelous things through him... and I pray that he will continue to give you the glory!
This day is perfect. And I look forward to seeing more of you than I saw yesterday.
It's exciting to walk through each moment... experiencing what You choose.
Help me to be the best 80% I can be to all of the people in my life. I know that you and all others will be what I can not... and I find peace in not having to be anymore than I've come to understand right now.
You are big enough :0)

Love you...
tray

So long, Summer!!

2007-09-15T11:18:00.001-05:00

This morning, I arose with excitement. That feeling that I can only describe as "like I'm falling in love", has been teasing my senses, again. Each year around this time, when the Summer fades into Fall, there is just something that comes over me. And I love it.

But this year, for the first time since moving to Nashville, I am just a little more greatful for this present season... and I suppose I'll give credit to growing up a little, and gaining perspective as more years of life pass by. It used to be that I would rush this time along... waiting, hoping.... longing for the days of Apple cider and falling leaves... but time has made me different now, and so I'd like to stop and ponder what I've enjoyed about Summer!

This summer has been a time of restored joy, in the deepest sense... not just restoration from a setback, but a "priming of the well within" if you will. You know those Living Waters, the Bible says we have... well, I can feel them flowing again within me.
It's been filled with reconnection with old friends and the re-establishment of old dreams! Yes, Summer is a time of being fully awake and alive!

FLIP FLOPS!!!! Need I say more! I adore the feeling of freedom... lazying around in floppy shoes of every hue. Since I am most happy when I'm wearing these are the next best thing!
This year, I found many new ones, but two pair became my favorites and seem to never leave my feet. One was a pair of cozy grey ones that looked and felt like your favorite soft t-shirt... and the other were a fabulous pair of black ones with a rhinestone circle in the center that reminded me of the eternity necklaces! So pretty! My silly sophistication.... rhinestone and denim diva that I am...lol.
I will miss wearing them the most :0)

Though I did not take an actual vacation this year, I must say that is one of the best parts of summer. Being at the beach, in a great city or up in the mountains when the days are long and free time is plentiful... there's just nothing like it!

Speaking of summer trips, I used to travel across country to Colorado the end of every July. Long car rides are so much fun! But not through Kansas... ugh (sorry if you're from there and you love it). It is by far one of the most boring states I have ever travelled through...
BUT there is a redemptive moment though... one of my fondest memories of those drives, was when after hours of flat land... nothingness... the feeling of desertion (j/k), we would suddenly come upon a field of sunflowers !!! The would seem to stretch for miles and miles!!
Just amazing.... I was always blown away that such a gorgeous scene would be placed out in the middle of nowhere! God is so sweet to give everyone and everything SOMETHING beautiful!!
selah, huh?

There's been so many beautiful things....

Sweet tea and lemonade sipped on patios with good friends...
kids playin' in sprinklers....
Sunshine and soft rains.... at the same time...
The Call 7.7.07
air conditioning in my new car...
falling in love all over again...

just a few memories that have made this Summer... a good one. I'm so thankful!

Daddy,

Thank you for the beauty of another season... today I celebrate the joys and the sweetness of this Summer '07. Wow! You know the full story, of just how much restoration and newness You brought to my life. You've taught me to love, in deeper ways and to embrace the things I don't understand... even if they are a simple as a season... timing. I'm so glad that Your ways are much higher than mine... and that although it took all of these years for me to really value the days of Sunshine...You are so patient and loving. Thank You.
I'm in awe of all that You do.
Bless each friend, new and old.
Continue the restoration and the setting right of all things in my life.
Thank you for new things and fresh adventures... for flip flops and happy hearts!
And for allowing me to fall in love with you, all over again.

I'm amazed by You!
amen,
:0)

InspiRED...

2007-09-09T17:11:00.000-05:00

Though I've always been a visual person, it seems that I am affected more deeply than ever, by images lately.
This one, in particular has inspired me to write creatively... giving life to a character and a story of what takes place on this particular day, beneath this tree. Ideas are dancing through my head and I feel a certain satisfaction, just to bring something to life. These are the days that I feel honored to be a writer.

Autumn is coming.
The thought of it makes me smile.

Summer is almost over... and I am sooo glad to feel the temperatures lower and the evening breezes begin. Excitement stirs for cozy sweaters, falling leaves and Pumpkin Spice Lattes... but I sure will miss my flip flops!

Ahh... another change of seasons. It's one of the few guarantees that we have.

Addio Pavarotti...

2007-09-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

Today, the world said farewell to one of music's most majestic offerings... the unique and dazzling voice of Luciano Pavarotti!
What a shock it was to sit down this morning, begin my daily rituals at my desk and find there on the front page of MSN, that The Voice of Opera, had finished his journey.

Having spent 5 years of my life studying the vocal athletics we call "Opera", Pavarotti was in many ways, like a distant mentor. A "natural", is what he was called. Very few performers can exhibit such tremendous ability in a way that seems almost effortless! He did!
And my life was impacted by his example.

So tonight, Lord... I give you thanks for your son. The Pavarotti!
The name sounds so big, so huge to a world who set him in high places. He was adored and honored. Yet, I know that it was YOUR VOICE that sung through Him... and YOUR ABILITIES that were put on display.
Bravo, Daddy! You did an awesome job, through Him.
Thank you that He is resting from his labor. Now bring comfort to his family, loved ones, friends and admirers that he leaves to continue their journey to You. Hold them close and soothe them with Your Love.
I praise You for a life that resounded with Your Greatness!
Thank you... for it's permanent imprints upon my life.
I will cherish what you've done, forever.
With a greatful heart... amen,

tracye lynn

HeartStrum: Under the Tuscan Sun

2007-09-03T13:20:00.000-05:00

Okay... so I'm introducing today... a little thing called "Heartstrums". To me, it's a cute little way to describe those ah ha! or Light bulb moments when something really makes sense in a "feel-good" kinda way. You know, when you just get a sweet melody of understanding that plucks your heart...so cheesy as it may seem (and I do like cheese)... I bring you my first "HeartStrum"!

I am really enjoying the beginnings of my day off... this Labor Day '07. The morning began after another late night that ended well into the morning. Strangely that has been the norm for me for a few months now. I'm finally beginning to LIKE it! Who would have ever thought I'd be a night owl?

So my morning began around 10am, and I rolled out of bed and landed at my computer. Emails, myspace, blog reading... how nice to just catch up and feel so connected to so many people. Random pieces of breakfast here and there, peach tea and a sudoku later, I find myself lying cozily on the couch soaking in the beautiful scenery from the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun".

I haven't scen this movie since Renee and I watched it when it was in the theaters.

The gorgeous display of Tuscany... so rich to take in.

As I watched though... I found myself impressed by so many profound statements.

Had this movie changed... or had I?

Back in 2003, I had not gone through the life events that are now logged in the photo albums and scrapbooks of my mind. I could not identify with Frances' life as deeply as I can today.

What a difference 4 years makes.

So I find my heart swelling open as a flower that senses daylight, after a long night as I am touched by several moments.

Just to bring you into the theme of the movie... I'll tell you the general jist:
Frances, has spontaneously bought a house during a vacation in Tuscany. She has recently been divorced and decided that she just can't bare to return to the States. One day, well into the process of remodeling this 300 year old home, she begins to question her reasons for holding on to hope... for moving toward a faded dream of a husband and children... and for investing such time, money and even more costly emotions into building this dream that has not even a shadow of appearing.

Martini, a dear new friend says this -

Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

He also, getting lost in the depth of the moment and intoxified by the beauty of an exposed and questioning heart, says -

Martini: Signora. Please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you. And I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

(What that must have meant to hear those words... for so many reason...).

And the chord that has struck me the most, so far (I was interrupted by a phone call and then distracted by bells and dings of message notifications and confirmations of this evenings plans)... was this...

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.

Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.

Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Life experience has brought me a new understanding of relationships and of divorce. I've never been married. Yet, I have walked through deep relationship... one in particular that ventured far past the understanding of many people we knew. And I have tasted the cataclysmic pain of someone you share love with, deciding that what you have trustingly offered them is not what they desire... to be dismissed from their life and have the door to their heart slammed in your face.

Yeah... I have some clues about that now.

And it would have probably been easier for it to just kill me instantly... as morbid as that may sound. But it didn't.

Does it still hurt? Oh God, yes!

But am I better for it? Oh God yes!

This movie is beautiful... so honest and tangible.

And my life... quite brokenly beautiful, as well. I am glad to be able to feel every moment of this existence. The mountain top ecstasies and the deep valley devestation.

I'm okay.

Day by day, I release a little more... accept a little more... and like Frances, I invest in the dreams of my future... and prepare for the trains arrival, before I ever hear it's sound.

On that note... I'm off to celebrate this day with a wonderful group of people... singing, worshipping, eating!... chatting (of course)... and maybe some debit-card Monopoly too :0)

see ya,

tracye

My first Meme

2007-09-01T22:25:00.000-05:00

Allllright... so getting back to the blogging thing after a year is an educational thing. Reading through so many different pages and being a part of webrings is totally enlightening.
I'm learning about these little things called "memes"! How fun!
And since I changed the address of my blog and no one can really find me yet, I'm going to grab one of these off of someone else's page and just get one of these rolling in my own little world.
So here goes!

A Big Long MeMe

Ever thought of just picking up and moving far away? ugh yes... I do often. This has actually been something I've done more than once in my life... and I've never regretted... although I came high-tailin' it back from D.C. when I left Nashville for a couple of months. Each experience has been life-changing and very rewarding. No... I don't really want to leave Nashville anytime soon... but I am hearing some whispers of what the next possible move might be :0)

What's the wallpaper on your computer? - it is a really cool photo that gives the appearance of you being inside a car and it's raining. The window that you are looking out of is covered in condensation and so you take your finger and draw a single cross on it. Pretty neat!

What is the last thing/person you took a picture of? - my neice and my nephews playing together at my sis' in Atlanta!

What was the most difficult decision you've ever had to make? - To truly let go of and honestly forgive the most amazing person who ever vanished from my life.

Name a band/artist you like that isn't popular. Well living in Nashville and knowing so many amazing Indie artists... there are sooo many. Shariff Iman, Christa Black, Chris McClarney to name a few...

Can you lift your significant other? - nope... Jesus is my only s.o. and He bares the weight of the world on His shoulder. So we've come to the conclusion that HE'LL do all the heavy lifting!!

What is the first vehicle you recall your parents owning? - a navy blue station wagon with the wood on the side!!! hollering laughing!

You only have $5 for the whole week; What do you buy with it? - I don't do "broke" very well... I'd probably waste it on a Starbucks coffee and then charge everything for the rest of the week... it aint pretty but that's the truth, kids!

What was the worst job you ever had? - I've had so many since I moved to Nashville... probably the one where my boss played favorites with 2 people in my dept and treated me and another girl like we had uni-brows and bad breath every day for 21/2 years of my life!!! Thank God for deliverance!!!

Have you ever seen counterfeit money? - I hope not!!!

Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to? - Yes, when I was in the 8th grade... our cat, Max ate a poisonous toad and didn't make it... I thought I would surely die. It was the most pitiful day... I think I cried all day at school.

You're at an amusement park; What ride do you want to go on first? - the one we've all been talking about the whole trip there!

You can read minds; Whose mind do you snoop around in first? - ohhhh that's not a good question for me to answer out loud right now ;0)

What was the most rebellious thing you've ever done? - risk my life and mouth off to my mother!

Do you ever talk to inanimate objects? - Yeah, but I could have swore that somethin' tried to answer me the other day... so I think I'm gonna kick that habit :0)

Pick one; Laundry, Dishes, Vacuuming. - are you kidding me... D - NONE OF THE ABOVE!!!!

Have you ever had to change schools while growing up? - Yes. military brat. it all worked out just fine.

You are forced to go out of state; Where do you go? - Dallas.... Portland... or somewhere in California maybe. I'm cool with traveling.

Name the most meaningful thing a non-relative has done for you. - I have been blessed to walk through 4 dream years with a person who blessed me, blessed me and then pulled out all the stops and blessed me some more. I have more meaningful things that I can tell about in those times then many will have in their entire lifetimes. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I am one blessed chick!

The highway or back roads take you to the same place; Choose your route. - Depends on how I'm feeling that day... and who I'm with :0)

You're going to be a mom/dad. What do you think/do? - Um... Jesus... you've got some explainin' to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you more likely to give up or persist when you're having trouble? - persist... i'm too stubborn to just give up anymore.

What's the most challenging thing you've ever over come? - Absolute embarrassment, shame and heartbreak rolled into one incident!

Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; Do you give them one of yours? - I would have.

Your brother breaks into your house; Do you press charges? - I really don't know. It would depend on how responsive he was to me when we talked about his reasons why, I suppose? Not sure!

Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last two years. - Job changes, moves, loss of a deep friendship, became an Auntie again...

Do you end up regretting things you say often? - no... I very rarely regret saying anything because I really do MEAN it... even if it's a hard Truth for someone to swallow. I often hurt because people don't like to deal with Truth... and that causes some strains in relationship. But I'm okay with it.

Would you rather have a huge cat or a tiny dog? - huge cat!

Pringles or Lay's Stax? - not a big chip person.

Name one difficult lesson you've learned. - Boundaries in relationships are very important.

Name one thing you look forward to in old age. - Greater wisdom and the opportunity to share it with the younger generations.

Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? - OMG yes...ha!

You own a huge business; What is it? - A center designed and focused on inner healing.

Are you afraid to ask for help when you know that you need it? - sometimes... yes, this is one of my weak points.

Should adoptive kids be allowed to find their birth parents if they want to? - yes. I desire to adopt children... and although I want them to know me as Mom... I also want them to be aware that someone else actually gave them life and that they have the right to want to know them and pursue relationship with them if they choose. I think it would be a double blessing to know that someone CHOSE to love you... just like Jesus did.

Name somebody you think died before their time. - My friend Sue from college who unfortunately committed suicide. I don't think I will ever forget her.

A friend is (rightly) suspected in a crime; Do you provide an alibi? - Only if it's true!

Name the possession you've had the longest. - don't know. not a big heirloom person.

You're writing a novel; Is it horror, mystery, romance, etc. - chick lit.

You have a deep dark secret; Do you tell anyone? - of course... I don't really have secrets.

Will you usually admit it when you've made a mistake? - absolutely. it's not the end of the world. I mess up all the time... in some way or another... and I never expected that I wouldn't. So what's the big deal?

A friend of yours has a drug addiction; Do you tell someone? - been there done that. only told the people they wanted to know.

Well this was long but interesting to even see how I would answer them myself.

I think I'll tag Michelle at "From His Heart To Mine" and Lindsey at "Lindsey Barrows".
Come on ladies and have some fun!

i love the way He loves me...

2007-09-01T01:33:00.000-05:00

What an awesome night it's been.
I spent time with some wonderful new friends, Benjamin and Bonnie.
They are so sweetly in love.
And after spending time with them tonight, they rekindled my excitement about dating and possibly, one day, being married too.

Their relationship is so obvious... so natural... so refreshing.
After two years of marriage, they still hang on one another's words, linger in their gazes and enjoy the comfort of each other's touch. It was so inspiring to me... to share with them, the first night since the scorching entrance of summer that brought a gentle breeze and the promise of Autumn whispering upon it.
It was.... well, romantic!

We had dinner on the patio of one of my favorite restaurants in Belle Meade... enjoying the perfect evening outside... as we shared stories of what's going on in our lives and how God is so present in each situation. How awesome to give Him the glory on nights like this.

Afterwards, we went for a walk down a street lined with gorgeous homes... through a field full of leaves that crunched beneath our feet as we shared about our home towns. We arrived a few hundred feet from the front porch of the Belle Meade Mansion.
I was just struck by such a real sense of God's nearness... as they stood hand in hand and I, in the embrace of The Lover of My Soul. It was perfect. They looked deeply into one another's eyes and grinningly at me, as they re-enacted the scene of their engagement in the exact spot that they stood.
Never has a married couple made me feel more loved than they did tonight. Their love was intoxicating... and enticing to be around. I was blown away by how comfortable they were to be with... and how easy it was to celebrate the joy of this memory with them.

We ended the evening with more deep conversation and a powerful time of prayer... one of my favorite things to do. I can not explain just how perfectly the revelations that the Lord had given each of us, spoke into one another's lives. God never ceases to amaze me. We were all looking with wide-eyed wonder as He spoke through us... bringing answers and comfort to some of our deepest questions and hurts.
Wow... God!
Thank you.

And then to come home tonight and find that my new Shane and Shane Cd had finally arrived!
Smiling... just when I thought a really special night couldn't get any better!!!!!!!
I'm so excited...
You know what this means... that I'll have even more revelations to share...lol.
Alright it's off to bed with me now... pretty full day tomorrow.
Hope your day was amazing too.

Let's give Him thanks...
Daddddddy! You are such a wonderful giver of surprises!!!
Thank you for the impromptu plans with Bonnie and Benjamin tonight.
Thank you for the amazing healing that you brought to our hearts tonight as you spoke through each one of us in the most profound ways. Thank you for all of the revelations, dreams and prophetic words that helped to restore and encourage us tonight.
Thank you for the breeze... and the winds of remembrance that brought both great joy... and some sorrow. We lift it all to you tonight.
i am in absolute awe of how You make everyday that is entrusted to You, beautiful!!!!
You're so perfect and the very best friend I could ever have.
Thank you for holding my hand tonight... and holding my heart at all times.
I feel so safe with you.
And I say YES, Lord. Yes to all that you have for me.
If that includes marriage... then okay.
Thank you for the reminders, lately... of just how beautiful romance can be.
Amazingly, my shattered heart is being healed... as I see your hand in relationships all around me. Yes, Daddy... I believe you... and I trust that I am ready when You are!

i just can't thank you enough for the way you love.
i love you too.
in Jesus' Name.
amen.

Happy Happy!!!

2007-08-31T07:12:00.001-05:00

It's Friday...
oh how I love this day... especially at work. There's such great anticipation of leaving the chains of the and finding whatever freedom and fun that may come.

Maybe we'll do the or hang out at a .

With the wonderfully long weeekend... I'm sure we'll probably get into that and much more!
Hope you have a great day!!!

Bring on the rain!

2007-08-29T06:15:00.000-05:00

This picture so perfectly represents how I feel this morning.
We have rain... actually thunderstorms in our forecast today... and I am very excited about it. Here in Nashville, we desperately need rain... and here in my heart, I do too.

I pray that today will be a day that we don't look at a downpour and worry about our hair, or the traffic flow interruptions. But, may we rejoice and be thankful that we are graciously given what is NEEDED!

In the natural... we can be thankful that the dry, thirsty ground and the precious trees are receiving the water it has longed for...
And in our hearts, Lord, will you come and bring a flood of living water, that refreshes and restores us back to a peaceful place in You!

We need your rain, Lord.
Even when we don't know why we feel the way we do... it's so simply You that we're desperate for...

Come rain on us today. You are welcome. We love you...
In Jesus' Name. Amen!
tray

Pages...

2007-08-23T21:44:00.000-05:00

Last night, I was absolutely blessed to experience brand new music from one of my favorite groups, Shane and Shane. A new friend and I spent the evening enjoying the 2nd night of their brand new "Pages" Tour, here in Nashville.
It was wonderful to say the least... and I was on the edge of my seat, hanging on to every word, every nuance of sound... every heavily aspirated H that Shane Barnard released... every resounding, powerhouse belt from Shane Everett. I am simply taken aback by their music... by the intensity of their passionate harmonies that seem to come from the tip of their toes and the bottom of their hearts.

You probably have those artists in your life that always seem to speak directly to you... well the Shane's are definitely on my top 5 list of "Revelators". I can always count on them to bring a fresh perspective to an old concept, or a brand new stream of thought that causes me to ponder for days, weeks and well even years...

I was pleasantly surprised to find a video of one of my favorite songs called "Holiday". Smiling.
Last night as I heard this song... it made me think of a sweet friend from my past... We would write back and forth to one another allll day long every day. One of the sweetest parts of our relationships was the constant love notes from a friend that we would exchange each day. They were so encouraging and inspiring.
I'll never forget the day that I wrote a little poem telling my sweet friend how fortunate I felt to have them in my life in this way.
My little words went something like this:

"You're like a vacation in the middle of my work day...
an oasis of joy in a desert of demands.
You're like flowers by surprise... and impromptu lunch plans...
my sweet friend... i love having you by my side... no matter where I am."

something like that....

Gosh... the memories.

Well, this song reminded me of those thoughts... and that season of friendship.
It was a type and shadow of an even greater relationship.

I'm so greatful for that friend... and those times... and I'm even more in awe of this beautiful affair that I've had with Jesus for so many years.

He truly is all of those things to me and even more.... now and forever.

Take a look at the video... and enjoy this awesome song!

I hope you find yourself feeling this way about Him too!

Bless you,
tray

Sweet, sweet Jesus. I am just so overwhelmed by Who You are. You never cease to amaze me with Your love... and the way that you allow Your children to express what we're feeling about you.

Thank you so much for my brothers, Shane and Shane... and for the way they are so willing to put their love for you on display for all the world to see. You are so worth it!

Thank you for all of the revelations that I received last night in that concert... I could share for a week about the passion for you that was stirred... but tonight.... I just want to stop and think about how you have been my "Favorite Part Of Me" for so long... What a wonderful thing to think on. You truly ARE my Holiday! I love you sooooo much, Jesus.
You are the best friend I could ever have... and I'm absolutely smitten by You!
Tonight... I just wanna celebrate You.
in Jesus Name... amen.

G'night,
Tray

As for me and my house...

2007-08-22T06:34:00.000-05:00

I am finding out more and more, just what it means to be a good leader, each day.

Why the Lord picked me, well.... Bless HIS heart.. hahha!

I'm flattered.

I'm flustered.

And I'm learning how to relax into the role.

I've joined the Christian Women's webring... and last night as I sat randomly roaming through the pages... my heart was pricked by all of the Mommy blogs. To my dismay, once again... my subconcious roving for a Single Woman, loving her God and doing it all...my mentor I'm missing out on.... was still no where to be found. Sighs.

I'm not a mommy.

not a wife.

it's just me and my amazing God!

and sometimes i still wonder... is that okay?

most days... well, honestly... I still don't know for sure.

i know what i tell myself

i know what God says in His word.

what society says,

....the Church.

I'm finding that my roles in this single life are quite interesting. And just this year, the Lord has really begun to draw me out into deeper waters with younger people. Though I've always been a leader at School, in Church and different organizations... I never knew how challenging it would be to take on that title in my own home.

My roommate is a beautiful, bubbly, excited 21 year old. Everything in life makes her coo and thrill. She's amazing to experience life with. She's thirsty for relationship... with people and with God. Her heart is longing to be led, taught, shaped and groomed.

It is an honor beyond any I've ever known to be an example, a light... a role model.

I also have been "adopted" by a very rambunctious 12 year old, who brings me to my knees before the throne... with the deepest, most heart-wrenching questions. She demands that I seek the Lord... in order to teach her how... and lead her in the right way.

I'm amazed, God.

That you would do this now... that you would entrust me with such precious gifts... so fragile and so impressionable.

Some days, I go to bed saying... "Wow, God... we really did a pretty good job today" and other days, I wake up full of silly fears that today will be the day that I really blow it in our lives.

And so this morning... I'm climbing up in Daddy's arms... and I've decided I'm not coming down all day. That's where I choose to work from, live from... and love and lead my little household from.

I also realize now... that I have alot in common with my potentially new friends... the Mommies of the webring. They own the role of leader every day. So I'm excited to meet you all... and to live learn and grow together.

Have a beautiful day...

let's pray,

Daddy,

I really really need you today.

The enemy would like for me to start this morning, feeling inadequate and pondering my incapabilities... but Father, I know that your thoughts toward me, are ones of power, love and a sound mind. It's not about me... period. It is all about YOUR abilities and everything that YOU choose to do in and through me today and always.

So like a little child... I will lead from your lap.

Pick me up, Daddy... so that I can see the way you do.

I trust you, fully... openly... passionately.

And nothing is gonna happen in this day, that you haven't planned for.

Thank you for letting me rest.

I love you...Amen,

Tracye lynn

Monday... Fun Day!

2007-08-20T23:35:00.000-05:00

So today was a non-typical Monday. It was actually pretty enjoyable...

It began in our very typical Monday morning staff meeting... that was quite entertaining and enjoyable. Our President relayed a great message that she heard from a well-known lady coach in the area... inspirational stuff. Of the five or so key points that she mentioned, the one that stood out the most was about taking responsibility. She didn't mean just for the bad stuff that happens... but also for the good things that happen.
Hmmm... take responsibility for the good things?
That's a fresh concept.
So I thought about that throughout the day... and am still letting it linger now.

We had a new person start working in our department today... very docile and kind. I believe she is a true blessing. She, too, is a musician... which excites me!
The team took her to a mexican fiesta of a lunch at Mazatlan's... one of my bosses' and my own personal favorites! Fun times... good conversation and a great way to keep a fairly "heavy" day a little lighter than usual.

After lunch, my new friend shadowed me for the rest of the work day. It was awesome for me because I love to teach so much. Before I knew it... the time had flown by and we were clocking out for the day! Wow!

I was pretty crabby, cranky and down right hard-to-get-along with this past weekend... so I thought I'd make tonight a fun night for my friends and myself. A not-so-quick saunter through Tar-jay scored my roomie and I some dinner and a new board game.

Did you know that Monopoly now has a version that no longer has paper money but DEBIT CARDS for monetary exchange! OMG!!!
We all had the GREATEST time tonight playing the coolest game I've seen in awhile!!!
The banker role, is now my most favorite, as you insert debit cards and make transactions between players.
All of the game pieces are different now... of course I just HAD to be the box of Altoids!!! Too fun! And I was bittersweetly excited to see that our Grand Ol' Opry made the game... woohoo. But sadly, it was on the first street out from "GO"... you know... the property that you always deem "low income housing"! The ones that you can put like hotels on and people still only have to pay you $150 dollars... lol! Oh well.
What a great game though... I completely recommend it!

So there... my President would be proud of me tonight... for taking responsibility for bringing home something fun and new that made my friends smile and forget about the stressful days that they had. For me, it was kinda like a "pay it forward" for the amazing day that God gave me.

I hope your day was surprisingly pleasant too. And if not... there's always tomorrow...
just remember to take responsibility and do your best to MAKE it a great day!

love and blessings,
tray

A New Beginning...

2007-08-19T19:34:00.000-05:00

Here I go again... starting over.
It seems to be a theme for my life.

So this time, instead of making all of the promises I never keep... I'll just be excited about this post today. Okay...

So life is still interesting as always... and I'm still the same, over-thinking, pondering, discussing, ready to share girl I've always been. And I'm finding out more and more... that it's totally okay.

Life's sure changed ALOT since October of 2006. Goodness... that seems a million years ago.

And you know what... instead of wasting time... and emotions on trying to bring you up to speed with all the changes... I'm just going to start from today... and in time, if you continue to read this... you'll figure out what's different for yourself :0)
Sounds good to me.

I'm watching "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"... and eating Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins right now. It's great therapy for the cranky, moody, girlyness I'm going through today.

It feels funny to be this crabby because I've been so "on top of the world" for so long. But it all seemed to hit me on Friday... all the anger, hurt and well just so many unhappy feelings that I've been working on not feeling. smiling.

I don't like being sad... it's really alot less fun than being silly or wild and crazy... you know?
But I suppose that we get ourselves into trouble when we try to have all joy and no sorrow, huh? i'm learning.

You know... somedays... I feel so grown up and ready to conquer it all. I feel able to be professional with my clients and a mentor to the young people in my life.
Somedays I just feel soooo capable!

not today.

Today, I would like to be beside my mommy... watching black and white movies and eating popcorn or whatever else we decided we wanted. Just being together... talking some, being quiet some... and falling asleep here and there.

that would be so nice.
i really miss her, especially today.

i miss a few things today... a few people.
and u know what... some of them don't miss me.
some of them feel free now.
now that i am out of their life.
it's surprising to know that i am that to someone.
someone to get away from.

ouch.

really ouch.

But the world doesn't stop turning and life is still to be lived. And I plan to live it.

I may be damaged... yes, deeply wounded right now. Still there is love. Still there is hope... and still God is amazing.

i hope you're having a happy day today.
it hasn't been for me... but hey, i suppose you can't stay on a happy streak forever.

at some point, you'll run into an old mutual friend... and it won't be there words, but their silence that hurts so bad.
sometimes in an effort to spare us pain, people will wound us with the things that are left unsaid.
yes, we need nearness. we need smiles and to laugh.

but me...

today...

i really needed words.

Again!

2006-10-17T17:33:00.000-05:00

Well well well!
It's been a long time since I've posted, once again!

Here I am... picking up where I left off... again!

Life has been quite interesting since spring time (I think that was probably the last time I posted). Many changes have happened... some joyous, some heartbreaking. And yet, there is one thing that lasts through all of the changes. I'm still here! Smile.

I've met new friends... parted ways with some old... reacquainted with past loves and sighed at the thought of fanning a new flame.
Does it ever get easier? Make complete sense?

Tonight, I sit on my bed... too sick with a cold to join my friends for coffee and a great word... yet not sick enough to forget all of the things on my mind and turn in for the night at 6pm :0)

Restless... would be a good word for me.

My lifestyle has changed so much... some from my own doing... some by the choices of others.
And for the first time in my life, newness is not overwhelmingly welcome.

Have you ever grieved what was never really there? Awaken to realize you had been dreaming, yet not asleep?
Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick... I think I could write this story.
But not because I long to linger in the sadness of "this will never be"... but because I know that God has a turning of the page in near sight for me!!

At the end of me... I am discovering a place in God that I had only imagined there could be. In Him, I am finding that I do not have to have all the answers. I do not have to know the reasons behind the obedience. I don't have to be strong enough not to cry.
He reassures me that it's okay to hurt.
He comforts me in abandonment.
He holds me when even in the summer sun, my heart feels cold.
He tells me it's alright to share my feelings... the deep ones that others would never share with just anybody.
And again... it alright for there to be more tears.

But there's a morning!
Oh, what a sweet morning it is!!
For after the weeping... after the wailing... after the hurt so deep you feel you'll drown... JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!!!!

I'm not sure where you are right now in your life. Maybe you're on the mountain top! Maybe you're walking on the water... Maybe you're smiling with the radiance of one who is content... or maybe like me... you're rising from a long wintery season of life!
No matter where you are... it's okay. God is STILL in control.

I am looking forward to what Spring will bring... as my heart is renewed.

And as I begin again... to share Life from my view.. I ask that the Lord will be exalted through each line... each word... each personal truth.

Dear Daddy,

It's been so long since I desired to put words to what my heart has been feeling. This summer has not been the most joyous one of my life. There have been so many hard things... and yes, so many joys... yet my clouded mind found it easier to linger upon what was painful. But God, I thank you that... as always, you've brought me through.
You're amazing.
Lord, may my life's story show accurately... the face of a deeply broken woman who is prone to wander, make messes, over-think life, let you down and simply not live up to her potential.
But may the greatest and longest portion of the story be that portion that paints you to be precisely Who You Are!!!
God, You are My Savior! My Song and My Sweetheart!
You are the One Who has never turned away...
You are the One Who has never been ashamed of or bored with me.
You make everything Fine!!
Lord, You have been beside me through all of the confusing times... and have held my heart when it hurt the most! You, Oh Lord have desired me when I was the most wretched!
You... have been a Forever Friend... through all of my irritating ways. Wow! Thank you, Lord!

And so tonight... I think you for the days that have led to this one!
Though they have been difficult... I have learned more about You through them.
That makes each moment... so worth it!
Thank you for thinking I am WORTH IT!
Everything You went through for me! You're amazing!
Thank You, Sweet Jesus... for being EVERYTHING to me!

I love you,
Tracye Lynn

Fun little quizzes

2006-06-18T17:46:00.000-05:00

Hi there... Here's some cute little quizzes I did... if you have a blog or a website... you should check it out... there tons of them and it's a great way to just waste some time and relax :0)

Have fun!!!

Oh yeah... thanks Michelle D. ... got the idea from you :0) Love ya!

People Envy Your Inner Peace

You understand your place in the world and accept life as it is. For you, "it's all good."People envy how grounded and level headed you are. But you're too at peace to even notice.

What Do People Envy About You?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:
You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.
At Your Lowest:
You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.
In Love:
You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.
How You're Attractive:
Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.
Your Eternal Question:
"What else do I need in my life?"

What's" Your Power Color?

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Caramel Frappuccino

Creative and expressive, you tend to match your Frappuccino flavor to your mood. And a flavored syrup is always a must!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Your Eyes Should Be Blue

Your eyes reflect: Innocence and sweetness
What's hidden behind your eyes: A calculating mind

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Living in His Breeze

2006-06-07T04:28:00.000-05:00

It's really nice right now in Nashville... about 85 with a beautiful breeze blowing during the heat of the day. Where I work, there is a garden with benches and a wishing-well type fountain. Yesterday, a friend and I took a break and sat beside it.
What an oasis in the middle of a busy workday.
Thank you, Daddy!

So many days, I find myself concentrating on who I need to become and how I need to do so many things better. Yet, lately I have been praying that I will continuously refocus when those thoughts come. If I can remember to stay in the moment and realize that I have everything I truly need... life suddenly becomes much more peaceful.

It's kind of like that little picture of Eden I had yesterday. The truth was that my little friend and I went outside to blow off some steam... you know, what we call "venting". The office was getting just a little too small for all of our inflated egos to co-exist... and the audacity of the people in charge, their demands and opinions were rubbing us the wrong way... yet AGAIN!

And in the middle of our ranting... that still, small, precious voice was gently encouraging me... "look around, Tracye... do you see the beauty? Can you feel my breeze? I am here... and I am trying to get your attention"...

Oh, Goodness was speaking in the midst of my sin, once AGAIN.

As we climbed the staircase to re-enter the place we abhorred ... something had been changed on the inside of me. Though my attitude was not immediately affected.... I now realize that the rest of the day was different for me.

Somewhere during that afternoon, I quietly repented and welcomed His perspective back in.
How amazing it was to literally feel the atmosphere change and my heart soften.
The rest of the work day was really nice... but the lasting part was the living water flowing within me and the soft breeze of His love that was blowing through the corridors of my heart.

How are you today? Are you living in that Breeze too?
Or maybe you are struggling to focus on what truly matters... as I often do.
Opinions and emotions are continuously mutable... but He is eternal... and His ways will keep us peaceful, no matter where we are.

Sweet Breath of Life... I crown you now... Lord of this day!
Thank you for saving me from myself yesterday... and I know you will do the same again today....
Beautiful....I am humbled and amazed at how you continue to love me in spite of myself.
I adore you, Precious Father... and I look forward to walking through each moment of this day, aware of You... aware of Your Breeze... Your beautiful fragrance.
Bless my friend and me today, Lord.. and reveal Yourself to us in a way that will be memorable, no matter what comes our way.
Keep our hearts, minds and souls focused on nothing and no one else but You.
You are worthy... and you've made us worth it...

In the Fragrant Name of Jesus!
Amen

Losing "Wait"

2006-05-10T22:30:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone...

It's been along time... AGAIN!!!

I have such high hopes and good intentions about posting on here EVERY, SINGLE DAY!
Smile...

Then along comes life and grabs my attention and forces me to focus on something else... or to dwell on nothing at all.
Anyway, I digress.

I think this phrase says it best: I want to Lose the "Wait".
selah
(tracye's translation - Enough said right now... I tell you more about this later :0)

Speaking of Wait... hehee

So I think today is a great day to clue you in on another area of my life that is under construction right now. My body!!!
Yes, there are some cool things happening physically with me.... and I welcome you to share in my venture down the scale.
I've created a website that's dedicated to my weight loss.... and I'll add a link for easy access.
Take a look... have a laugh, shed a tear... or if you find it fun... leave me a message in the guestbook. I tell you what... it's gonna be a long road... so I'll surely need your encouragement :0)

Tracye'sfree

Check it out!

I plan to share much more on the website... but I have to warn you... I will be very frank about where I am. We're talking numbers and everything (and I'm not a little girl).
So if you're squeamish about weight...and the number on the scale.... you may not wanna peak... LOL.

I leave you with this tonight... its pretty late and I'm tired.
It's realllllly nice when you finally get a true revelation of just how free Christ has set you!
I mean... if someone had told me 5 years ago... that I would love myself this much... and be this open about my "personal" life and struggles... I would have walked away before they could finish their sentence...:0) But freedom is real!
Truth is freeing... and I will never be the same again!!!

I hope that you will share your journeys with me.... and let me know how I can encourage you with whatever battle you're facing!
We're all challenged by something... so there's no room for shame!
Be free, my friend... and know that you are worth more than you have ever imagined!!!

All my love,
Tracye

Daddy,

It's been a hard day today... work was not pleasant and my emotions were very shaky.
Thank you for allowing me to run to you... in the middle of it all.
It's days like these that I truly know you are real.
It's feelings like this that make me appreciate being alive... even in the pain of sadness or diappointment.
I remember when I was numb and couldn't feel a thing.
It's so nice to be all thawed out....even though it leaves me vulnerable to hurt.
You are my warmth, Lord.
Thank you for holding me today... when other's tried to make me feel like an outsider... unworthy of the "favored" place.
I'm so glad that my value is not dependent on their opinions of me.

I trust You, Lord.
I need You, Daddy.
And I'm thankful that you have the final say... always :0)

You are my hero... thank you for rescuing me... even from myself!

And Daddy... bless my friend that's reading this. They are struggling through their own issues with worth and purpose. Cause them to know your great love like never before.
Remove the veil and allow them to see that you are their hero... and you've come to rescue them too!

Love you so much,
Tracye

Happy 6 Months Tayo :0)

2006-04-11T20:56:00.000-05:00

Hi there All...
Today... my sweet baby nephew is 6 months old!!

Here's Tayo!

Where does the time go???

It's amazing to think that it was 6 months ago today... that this beautiful little one came along to change all of our lives in such a wonderful way. He is truly a precious gift to our family..
There is not a more special moment in the day, then when I receive a new bundle of photos from my sister. How proud she must be! I surely am :0)

And to think today... that our Father in heaven loves us in the same way? So deeply.. so proudly.. you know? So much greater than we could ever grasp.

He watches over us during our day... and as we slumber at night. He waits to hold us and He longs to enjoy us. What a magnificent Father.

Sweet Jesus... Thank you for this precious life that you've given us. Tayo is a joy and treasure from heaven. You are so loving and so kind to grant us the honor of holding him close on this journey. I pray that he will remain safe and always know that he is loved deeply!

Daddy, thank you for revealing so many "hands-on" lessons about your love for us... by allowing us to feel the way we do for him. You're amazing! And I stand in awe of your creation!!!

May today.. .be a happy, gurgly, playful and silly day for him.... filled with all that bring great delight to his little heart and causes his beautiful eyes to look in wonder the way he does :)

I love you Daddy... and I love you Tayo!!

Amen
Auntie Tracye

In the Silence

2006-03-26T17:45:00.000-06:00

It's been quiet out here on my little blog....
for almost a month....
wow.. I didn't realize it had been quit that long!

Right now, there is sooo much I can share with you..... life has been pretty interesting.

Let me see... I'll start here.
One of my all time favorite songs is called "In the Silence" by Jason Upton.
Here are the words:

Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I reallly won't

Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way

In the silence You are speaking
In the quiet
I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all it is that you desire
to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

In the Silence, You are Speaking

In the Quiet, Ican feel the Fire

And it's burning, burning deeply

Burning all it is that You desire to be silent

In me!

There was a time when I knew that this song epitomized my life with Christ. He was my passion... my obsession. He was the first one on my mind in the morning... and the last words that escaped my lips before sleep. I spent hours and hours in peace and meditation... reading His word and growing in the Spirit. I looooved to pray.. and talking about God was all I ever wanted to do.

Silence was the sweetest part of my life. It was more pleasing to me... to sit with Him... alone in my closet, until I lost track of the time... than to be with people.
Sweet intimacy with Christ was what I found in the silence.
True peace that wasn't dependent on anything or anyone but God....

I was so much more contented then.

And now.... a little more than a year later.... my life feels a million miles away from that place I knew in Him!

Most days.... peace is not the first word that I'd find to describe what is going on inside.... and that firm, "sureness" I once had about EVERYTHING seems gone.
I've struggle with this lately.

How do I get it back? How do I find that place again.... where did the life I had figured out go?

The Truth? I'm not really sure. But I'm beginning to realize that backing up or turning around doesn't seem to be a part of our journey. As I fight to find words to say to the God and Friend I used to communicate so easily with... I realize that it's not that I've lost something. It's not that I have abandoned Him or He's abandoned me. I haven't strayed from His Will or done anything to walk away from His Arms of Love.

I understand what this time has been about. It has been about COMPASSION.
Tears roll down my face as I write... because it's so good to have an understanding of what this season of distance has been about. I know now... that the Lord has not turned away from me. Honestly, I never truly believed He had... but the thoughts would come and go.
Why can't I pray? Why don't I want to worship you? Why are carnal things so much more inviting to me? What is this insatiable need for more? How did I get so full of myself? What happened to my heart? Why don't I care anymore... about anything or anyone, really?
Lord, WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!

My precious friend... God allowed me to see what I couldn't see before. He allowed me to feel what I had never felt in such magnitude.
He allowed me to get lost in gossiping and idle talk... bickering and complaining.
He allowed me to wallow in self-pity and anger.
He let me feel the void that comes from prayerlessness.
He showed me life through my own understanding... and what comes of heading worldly advice.
He allowed me to be burned by the fires of worldly passions and experience what it is to not feel much passion for Him.
He allowed me to drink from the cup of bitterness and resentment.
He let me try to cover my own shame.

Ohhh, I could go on for so long about the things I now know have happened to teach me.

This weekend, my answers have come.
Lord, why do I feel so far away from you?
So that you can feel true desperation. So that you can know the pains of the people I have called you to Love. So that you will reach to help someone out of the same pit that you once knew!
So that you'll get serious about releasing the bondages that have held you back from going forward. So that you will not be ashamed of Christ because you KNOW Him as Rescuer.
So that the story of the Gospel is played out in your own life... and now you can carry that message to all you encounter. So that you can see that all of those things you experienced outside of Him are WORTHLESS!

It was all a part of the plan... and it is so nice to know that I have not failed God... but have come through another season... and learned sooo much more about Him than I could have ever read about! He teaches using many methods.... and this time it was "Hands-on" Experience.

And you know what.... I am ready!!!! It is time to keep on walking now... in this New Season of telling the story... and reaching out to others.
Everyday.... whether at work, at home, in my community, on the road traveling..... it's about having Compassion and allowing the Gospel to live through me!!!

I haven't lost the silence. It's been there all the while.
Although I will always love long hours of meditational prayer.... I now realize that His Still, Small Voice can be heard over any amount of noise and chaos.
I haven't left my "prayer closet" and my "new testament coffee breaks".... I'm taking them with me everywhere I go!

Amazing Jesus.... I finally understand! I finally get it, that it's all about You!
Who knew, all this time... that you were preparing me... molding me... equipping me for the work that You have called me to. So many times... during those times alone with You... I cried out to know True Compassion. Lord, my heart had grown so cold... from fear, rejection and resentment.... that I had lost my ability to connect and to empathize with those in need Thank you... thank you for teaching me in the way that You knew I would get it! Thank you for not just telling me about the pain, the deep hurt, the rejection, the addictions, the misunderstanding, the anger, the insanity, instability and insufficiency. You allowed me to experience it for myself... and come to know you within it all.
I say YES LORD!
I will Go Lord!
I will not be ashamed to tell the story.... even while I'm IN IT!

It's not about ME!!!!
Yet You're all about me.....you really dig me, Jesus.
You're jealous for my heart... my attention and my intentions.
So tonight... I surrender to you!
I say... I DO!

Even if that makes me strange... uncool... or "to-far-gone".... I say I DO....and I WILL!!!
I'll be a fool for YOU!!!

Hand in hand... we'll do this. And I'm excited to cheer You on as you work through me.
Take these lungs... this voice... these hands... these eyes.... these ears... this BODY.... and use it all for YOUR GLORY!!!!

Thank you for the silence. You are there.

I looove you Lord. In Your GLORIOUS Name!
amen.

Thank you for sharing in these moments of victory with me. It's been a loooong time coming.
May He bless your journey today.... and reveal His plan to you in new and amazing ways!

Be blessed... Be Loved,

Tracye

You are a Masterpiece!

2006-02-28T05:50:00.000-06:00

Hi there....

Short blog this morning... but I wanted to say I appreciate you sharing this journey with me...
I pray that what I share is encouraging and reassuring to your heart and mind.
You are wonderful in ways you have not yet comprehended... and today, I expect the Lord to reveal to you at least one more reason why he called your creation good!
May He reveal what some of those innumerable thoughts are... and let you in on the rhythm of His heartbeat for you.
Today is another one of His masterpieces!
Enjoy it.
Cherish it....
and don't be afraid to expect what's best!

My mind and heart are full of gratitude today.... and it is an honor to pray for your day.
You are soo special and in God's ability you can complete well... each task that faces you this day!

Precious Father....
We adore you!
We are in awe of All that YOU are!
Your grandeur is so hard for us to grasp most times.... You are so great.
And Lord, what sometimes seems just as hard... is understanding and believing that when you created us... YOU said "It is GOOD"!
Wow, Lord. Who can KNOW that... I mean really know it?
Please reveal to us how you truly feel about us today Daddy.
Open our mind and heart to truly accept your opinion as the best one.
Let us not be so wrapped up in the things of this world, that we fail to see heaven all around us... and even more WITHIN us.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made today.
We are greatful for each asset you chose for us..... beautiful eyes, graceful hands, strong shoulders, dainty noses, various and beautiful shades..... on the outside you gave us all something spectacuar......
and on the inside.... a system that no human mind has fully grasped.... a heart that beats the blood that sustains us... muscles that allow us to run, jump and praise you.
And a little deeper... you gave us a mind, will and emotions - our soul.
What a vast ocean of capabilities. You truly are great.
And the greatest and most eternal place.... our spirit.... and YOUR spirit.... living inside of us.
How YOU get covered up by all of the other things.
Today, I pray that YOUR SPIRIT within us... will shine brightly.... and speak to us... revealing the greater things!
What an honor to house the Treasure of heaven within us!

YOU are amazing!
We are Your Good!

We love you with all You've given us...
In Jesus' Name... amen.

And so today... may you work, love and play... remembering that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. " Psalm 139:14

Much love to you,

Tracye

Happy Birthday Mommy!

2006-02-27T05:40:00.000-06:00

Today is a wonderful day..... I awoke with joy after a very beautiful weekend... full of fun times.
I'll tell you all about that later on this evening.... but this morning.... I want to celebrate the most amazing woman I know. My Mom!!!

It's her birthday... and I am sooo thankful that this is the day that she was given to this world.... and that as her story was written....she was chosen for me... and I for her. Wow! What a wonderful God... to always provide for us... in just the way we need.

My mother is perfect... for me :0)
God in His divine wisdom knew had it all planned out... He knew every tear.... every moment of screaming laughter....
He knew each tragedy and every single breathless wonder that would take place in our lives.
During each of those times in my life.... My amazing mother was right by my side!

When no one else understands.... she is there.
When I want to dance.... she plays a song.
When I need a to cry.... she too cries.

There is nothing more precious than the times that she and I get lost in praising His name.
It's so sweet... the way she'll be talking about something that the Lord has done... how He loved on one of us.... or unexpectedly showed up in a situation.... and her strong voice will break with the flood of tears. When the melody of her lyrics are replaced with a quiet lifting of her hands and a stream flows down her cheek....
It is then that I understand why Daddy bottles each one of our tears.

She is beautiful.
She is Loves lavishly.
She is strong and sweet.

I am so thankful to know her.... to watch her grow even as I grow up.
To cherish the memories of childhood.... and now enjoy calling her my Friend.

I wish I could be there with her today.... to wrap my arms around her... and kiss her on the cheek 20-too-many times as I love to do... (laughing).
But it's okay.... because I know that there is Someone Who loves and adores her even more than I do.... and HE will celebrate her fabulously today! Unexpected blessings will overtake her today... and peace will drape over her ... as the finest garment.

Thank you Mommy... for simply being you! I love you so much!

Sweet Father,

I love you.
Even as the tears fill my eyes this morning... I am sooo thankful.
You truly make all things beautiful... and my life is no exception.
Today... I celebrate on my most precious gifts in this life... My mother!
Lord... she is so special... and I am so greatful that you chose her for me.
You could not have picked a more perfect woman.... she is fabulous in every way.
Thank you.
I stand in awe of your ways, Lord.
As this day progresses, Father... I pray that she will feel just as special as she is.
May you allow her to be celebrated well!
Wrap Your great Love around her.... and respond to her every prayer.
Bless her with Your finest blessings.... and most of all give her even more of You!
In the Name of Jesus....with a heart overjoyed...
amen.

Have a beautiful day,
Tracye

Snowed In

2006-02-18T12:07:00.000-06:00

It's snowing in Nashville today.... too bad I couldn't get a picture of the beautiful view in time for this post.

I'm happy to enjoy the scenery and the relaxation.
I'm a little sad that the roads are not safe for my drive to Atlanta to see my family.

So I thought I put a few pics up of my family..... since I was reminiscing anyway.

Here's one of my cutie-pie nephew. He's great friends with Elmo :0)

My Mom and Dad will be at my sisters house this weekend.... and I was suppose to join them... but we all thought it best not to make the drive :(

Here's the girls of our family... My mommy, sister Trina and me. This was taken during my nephew's naming ceremony. He was sooo little! My Mom made the little prince outfit he had on... wasn't he adorable!

So here's me and my little buddy back at Thanksgiving.... he was only a few weeks old then.

And here's Cutie-bug again... with my brother Hines. I've always said he's the prettiest kid my parents had :0)

Putting all of these pics on here today... I realize that two people are missing from my collections.... My brother Shedrick (his precious family) and my Dad!!!
Well that will have to change!!!!

I love my family so much....
It is such a blessing to have them close enough to get together often.

My prayer today, is that you know how much you are loved.
Even though I'm a bit saddened by not being with them.... I am full of the Love that we have given one another in times past. I am reminded today, to cherish those moments always.

Maybe this little message could be encouragement or confirmation to you today.... to pick up the phone or write out a card for the ones you call family. Hold them close for as long as you have them. For tomorrow is not promised, right?

Dear Daddy,

Thank you so much for my family..... for the great joys and the deep sorrows that have filled our years together. Lord, I see you often, in the optimism of my father, the diligence and leadership of my sister, the passion and humor of my brother Hines, the analytical wisdom of my brother Shedrick, and the beautiful heart of my mother. What a contrast of characters you chose to blend into this family. Your ways are far higher than ours.... and I'm trusting that as they have blessed and enriched my life, I am doing the same for them.
Thank you for our health... our wealth... our love and most of all for our Faith.... for that is what led us to YOU.
May You know Lord, today... just how much Your family Loves you!!!
We bless and honor you and give you all the glory.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Have a relaxing and worry free weekend.... and for those of you here in Nashville, enjoy the snow!!!

Lovingly,
Tracye

You're Not Alone

2006-02-16T05:49:00.000-06:00

I'm running a little late today...
Don't you love those mornings (great sarcasm :0)

Actually... it's not that I'm running late... it's just that the "messies" caught up with me this morning and I had to spend some of my quiet time calming the storm in my bedroom... laughing.
You have to laugh while you're working on your idiosyncrisies..... or you'll end up in tears.
Well at least that's my story.

Speaking of the storm in my bedroom.... there are a few storms in my life right now....
the heaviest on my heart is the one at work. To make a loooong story really short.... we are a group of 3 women (I could stop right there), 2 guys and a boss.... who are building a dept that upon our arrival was an overwhelmed effort of 2 people... doing the job of 6.
As you can imagine.... having to put processes in place and define things can become a blame game, a chance to "shine", and ..... well you can fill in the blanks I'm sure.

Right now... work is a challenge. And you know... I'm so happy this morning to say that I am excited.
Now before you close the page on me.... let me just tell you why.

It's not that I haven't shed tears.... been angry and ready for revenge...
It's not that I haven't been ready to defend myself or get someone straight.

The reason I am excited is because when people around me try to make me feel "alone"... it is in those times that the Lord shows me just how close He is! He is right by my side at work... and anywhere else I go.

He is a ready defender.
HE said "Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm".
HE said to "Take no thought about provision" (Tracye's translation).

Yesterday was a tough day.... and after ranting it out and getting myself upset all over again... I walked into my room and happened to go to Jason Upton's website. As I continued to surf the web... I realized that the song playing on his website was repeating.... one time, two times and a third time. Though I thought it was soothing... I was still so angry that I hadn't been listening to the words:

Your not Alone
Your not Alone...
I never leave you
I never leave you!!!

over and over again it played..... and I began to realize that He was speaking to me.

I hadn't realized that beyond all of the other issues... the deepest one I was facing was the lie of the enemy that I was alone.... especially concerning my job.
He reminded me that I am not alone at work.
Who can make war with our God?
Who can come against the Creator of the Universe?
Who can stand in His Presence?

Once again.... I've been changd. I'm going to work today... KNOWING that NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME WILL PROSPER!!!! My Great God is on MY SIDE!!!!!

I'm excited to see the wicked plans fail.
I'm intensely aware that He is with ME today.. and everyday.
I am free of anxiety and worry... because He'll give me the wisdom, the patience and the supernaturally ability to do an awesome job at any task that comes my way!!

I am not alone!

And neither are you!
Remember today.... whatever the tough situations.. and in whatever way that the enemy is trying to tell you that you're out there by yourself.... Remember!

YOU'RE NOT ALONE
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
HE'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU
HE'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU!!!!

With Greatful Love,
Tracye

Suprised by LOVE

2006-02-15T05:19:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was such a wonderful day. For the first time in such a looooong time, Valentine's Day was a JOYFUL day in my life. Not because I had some amazing romantic encounter, 3 dozen roses or an engagement ring from the man of my destiny.... but simply because the Lord caused a heart change in me during the wee hours of the morning. In that time.. as I poured out my heart, he was pouring back in. Refreshing my wells, if you will.

I'll share with you one of my "fears" about Valentine's Day.... that every woman around me... at work, home and anywhere else will be "celebrated" while I rejoice with and for them yet another year. I know... it's not nice.... but it's unapologetically real.
That's one of those hurts that I wanted to really release to Him.
As I talked and listened... I realized something.
What is going on in me.... what has happened to my mind and heart.
I began to notice that there were no tears this year.... my heart didn't hurt... and my mind was not confused!!! I was actually EXCITED about walking out this Valentine's Day!!!

Well I don't know about you.... but this was BIG for me :0)

So I went to work... loved on everyone and received their love.... and it was just a sweet sweet day. It's been very busy so the time passed quickly.
Around 2 in the afternoon... IT happened :0)

"Someone has a delivery... someone has a delivery"!! And I'm thinking... awww that is soo sweet.
Well coming straight for me is a great, big, purple stuffed bunny(now affectionately named "Lavender" and a precious heart vase with yellow and red roses!!!!!

To my absolute shock and DELIGHT they were for ME!!!!

How totally amazing!
How totally like LOVE:0)

Needless to say, I was so completely blown away. I had no idea.

I share this story not to brag at all.... or to make you sad .... but to encourage you.

Those roses and that sweet little bunny were from my Father in heaven.... sent by my earthly angel.... my Best Friend in this life... Reco!

Reco.... let me just boast a little about the Jesus in Him.
He is THE MOST HUMBLE and loving person I have ever encountered. He has been through hell and back.... and all with a radiant and triumphant smile on face. He is completely and solely in Love with His Creator... and is daily surrendering his all for the Glory of God.
I am encouraged by him.
I am taught by him.
I am changed by the Love of the Lord through him.
I am so very greatful for all that he is!
HE is like Valentine's every single day of my life... I kid you not.

I pray that you too, have someone in your life who exemplifies Jesus.... someone who is outside of themselves and longing to always be only in Christ.
That's Reco for me.

I pray that one day, I will be that for someone too.

Nancy Keeth has affectionately termed this type of person your "Tony the Beat Poet".
We're reading the book "Blue like Jazz"... and there is a character in the book by this name.
In short... it is the type of person who keeps you real.... keeps you honest.... and I'll take the liberty of saying that they keep you close to themselves but even closer to Christ!

Thank you, Reco.
Thank you, Nancy.

Dear Daddy...Dear LOVE,

I want to publicly thank you for walking through the day with me yesterday. We had such a great time in the wee hours of the morning. Thanks for loving on me the way you do.
No one in this world can be as sweet as you are.
No one in this world can be as lovely and keep me in love with them as much as I am with You!
You are amazing!
I was soooo suprised yesterday when you showed up with the Bunny and the Flowers!
Thank you.... for dispelling a 30 year old lie... that I was undeserving of that type of affection.
Thank you... for breaking that bondage in my head and heart.

One gift, Lord. Just one.... how it can change a person's life.
YOU are that gift for me.
And even still you choose to give me more.
Thank you for Reco.... bless him 100 fold for his obedience to you.

Thank you so much for all the ways that you prove your love .
amen

I love you all.... and pray that you are encouraged!
Have a fabulous day.... u2 may be suprised by LOVE (I hope so),

Tracye

Be Mine

2006-02-14T02:00:00.000-06:00

Here's my little Valentine!
Isn't he precious?!!
This is my sweet nephew.....Tayo is his name.... and he has captured my heart.

I hope that today is a joyful one for you!

This morning has started earlier than usual for me. My eyes popped open at about 130 am.... (okay so I went to bed extremely early too. Yes, it was only 745p.... but I was sleepy... and now it will definitely be a Starbucks morning)!!

Waking up early is one of my favorite things about this life. When everything is quiet, peaceful and still, I feel most right with the world. I don't know about you... but my thoughts are loud and my mind is noisy... so it's in the Quiet Hours of the morning... that my soul can stop shouting over the volume of distractions and responsibilites of each day.
Here.. I find true rest.
Here... I find real peace.
And most of all, Love.

As I was catching up on some emails this morning.... I came across a beautiful expression of this Love.... and it is the first of the many precious gifts that the Lord shall give to me this Valentine's Day. I want to give this gift to you.... praying that it will bless you too.

Fill my cup, Lord.
I hold it up to you with outstretched hands,
My heart parched and thirsty for your living water.
Fill my cup with your love, Lord.
Help me to feel your hands holding mine,
feel your arms around me, feel your love empowering me.
Fill me with quietness and encouragement and trust.
Help me to live for you when trials, difficulties,
and storms hit me and those I love so deeply.
Help me not to give up when giving up seems easier.
Help me to trust you when I don't feel like trusting anymore.
When I know pain, fill my cup with prayer.
Teach me the secrets of service and surrender.

Fill my cup, Lord. I lift it up to you.
Lift me up to do your will with love and sacrifice,
Never forgetting what you sacrificed for me-
Your Son.
My Messiah.
My Lord Jesus Christ.
Help me, Lord, to accept where I am now.
Help me to know I'm not stuck forever in my circumstances.
Help me remember that the windows do open
and that fresh breezes do blow in
and that living water forever flows
and that those who ask receive.
I'm asking, now, Lord.
I'm holding my cup in my hands,
And I'm asking you to fill it . . . with you.
. . . .
And when my cup springs a leak,
As earthen vessels are prone to do.
Then I'll just have to ask again,
Trusting in your love
To fill me again . . .
Amen

Happy Valentine's Day to you..... My prayer today is that you not be found empty.... but that you would know the depth of His Great Love for you! That above all the other voices... you would hear His the loudest.... gently asking you to "Come... and be mine"!

With an overflowing heart!
Tracye

Life Happened

2006-02-12T07:56:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I posted on here.... and even longer than that since I've been faithful to sharing consistently. I will begin my attempt again today.

I am not good at continuing things.... I am great at new beginnings and I thrive on change to a great extent.... it's the gind that gets me. You know, once things are not new anymore, I seem to lose interest in them. I'm not sure where that began in me because I don't always remember being that way. Maybe it was a place of pain.... a massive disappointment that caused such harm to my loyalty. Who was it? What was it..... that happened to that young, sweet, people-loving, always-on-the-go, optimistic (to a fault in some people's eyes), completely dedicated person I used to be?

Life happened.
Other people's issues of control happened.
God answering NO to my most heartfelt prayers happened.
"I don't see you that way" happened (again and again)
Separations from all I knew and love happened.
Rejection happened

It's not hard to understand the reasons why.... if I just take the time to think about it? Deep down, I already know. But I have stuffed those hurtful experiences down in the past and instead of really being that wonderful person I enjoyed being.... I TRIED to be her when I really wasn't.
Pain had caused me to become severely numb to LIFE in general.....and when I looked, I saw someone else's image staring back from the mirror.

There she was..... a cold, uncaring, unresponsive, broken mess. Nothing like the girl I knew... the girl I assumed I'd always be.

So, a year ago..... the thawing out process really began. I've learned many many lessons about this crazy and wonderful thing we call Life.

In this blog.... I will share about those lessons.... about the JOYs and pains..... the Great thing and those things that tear my heart to pieces.

To me.... that is such a necessary part of Ministry.
Tracye Dukes Ministry.... is all about serving.... the heart and the mind of all who will allow.
All I have to give, is all that I have been given.... all that I have survived.... and all that God is through me.

I pray that today, you to will take what has happened in your life... and with God's help.... allow it to minister to someone else.

Love and blessings,
Tracye

Romans 8:28-29 (This came to mind... but I encourage you to read the 8th chapter in the Message Bible if you can.... it is soooo good!!!) Romans 8

28 That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
29 God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him.

Precious Gifts!

2005-12-22T19:43:00.000-06:00

My amazing sister Trina... and my beautiful new nephew Tayo... having fun washing the do!

Isn't this a fun shot!
For all who have never met her... I have a really amazing woman that I am privileged to call my sister. Her name is Trina Dukes....whoops,... I mean Trina Ashadele!
She's my upclose Oprah!
laughing....

Well for those of you who know how much I love Oprah.. that's a reallll big compliment!
Anyway... I love my big sister dearly.... and although we were not the best of friends growing up... I am truly enjoying this new and wonderful chapter in the story of our sisterhood!

It was only two very short months ago that Trina gave birth to the little one who has stolen my heart! He is so very precious to me.... a true gift from God.

There are many more pics to come.... I just thought this one was so adorable... I wanted to share it right away!

Today... be blessed! Embrace Who and What you have... enjoy them completely. They are a precious gift to you!

Love you all,
Tracye

Keep that Love

2005-05-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

Can we keep love.

I live with two of the most amazing people I have ever met.....and I don't say that because they are perfect.... surely they are not. And neither am I.
We are a patchwork family... from different cloths, yet knit together with the love of God.

Mama Hight and Reco have accepted me into their home....not as a fair-weather friend or a visitor. They have given me not only a beautiful place to stay, continual gourmet meals and kindness overflowing.... they have given me their hearts and unconditional love at all times.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't realize that God alone could provide for me all that He has through them... and I am forever grateful.

Upon reflection... the past year of my life has been filled with people who were willing to open their homes to me. Being so independent in nature... this season of "needing others" has been difficult and yet refreshing. It has shown me purity of heart and motive... and also shown me the lack thereof....in myself and others.
By being on the receiving end of such giving people... I am changed forever.
Before this time of community came into my life, I was not as open and accomodating to others... and probably would not have been able to receive someone into my personal space, as they do.

There are so many excuses we all can use .....finances, not enough space, not wanting to share personal space, "I have to have it this way or that", they must respect my home by doing things this way.... the reasons are endless if that is the mindset.

It is only now... because of this new chapter in my life that I can clearly see that there is a portion of the word that the Body of Christ has not been great at following. I will be the first to admit that this has been vital for seeing beyond my self righteous attainment. So often in scripture the Lord commands us to put others before ourselves... and yet I find myself falling short of that.

One thing that Mama Hight always says when we're talking about relational issues is that "If you keep that Love... it all will work out". The first time she said it, I chuckled inside because of the way she said "Keep that Love".... but now I remember that phrase throughout my day. It doesn't matter whether I'm dealing with a client who's preoccupied, a friend who doesn't do or say things as I would like for them too, a family member who is unresponsive or my own inconsistencies with self and others... I remember to first love myself and then my neighbor in the same way.... and as long as Love is in the mix... it will all work out.

Maybe this all comes a little easier for you... but I put forth a challenge. Why not today, try something a little different.... (okay, so maybe you're already doing this...then kudos to you, really..... but if you're not...)
When you feel those negative thoughts and feelings arising about yourself or someone else.... do yourself a favor and Keep That Love. Ask yourself if you've done all you can (notice I did not say all you want) to express love to that person who's on your mind or heart. If there is tension... reach out to them with love... no matter who's fault the problem is. Unconditional grace is such a beautiful thing to both give and receive.

I guarantee that if you do something different... and Keep That Love.... things will work out all right!

With a Happy Heart!
Tracye

P.s. Here's a little scripture bonus that'll bless you :)

The Message
Matthew 25 Read This Chapter
25:34 -46
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation.
And here's why: I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.'
"Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink?
And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?'
Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me - you did it to me.'
"Then he will turn to the 'goats,' the ones on his left, and say, 'Get out, worthless goats! You're good for nothing but the fires of hell.
And why? Because - I was hungry and you gave me no meal, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was homeless and you gave me no bed, I was shivering and you gave me no clothes, Sick and in prison, and you never visited.'

"Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?'
"He will answer them, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me - you failed to do it to me.'
"Then those 'goats' will be herded to their eternal doom, but the 'sheep' to their eternal reward."

Me.....Purity?

2005-05-19T17:10:00.000-05:00

"Purity is the power to contemplate defilement."
Simone Weil

I have been in the process of writing a book... well let's say for about a year now. Laughingly, I am getting around to pinning down the central idea.
Now before you shake your finger at me... or roll your eyes in frustration at another one of my attempts to start something... let me say that I had absolutely no clue what it would be like to give life to such an organization of thoughts and ideas. The vast amount of time in research that is needed can be a convenient reason to procrastinate. And if that doesn't get you... let's talk about having to live with and live out the ideas that you are talking about. Now that's hard.

My first subject was purity.
I'm not sure you can imagine what it meant to walk that one out. You see, I was not talking as much about sexual purity, as I was about being single-minded, pure in motivations and truthful in all aspects of your daily life...whether at work, home, church, or just hanging out.
What amazed me most, was how unwilling people were to talk about this issue of purity... and how uncomfortable they were with not only the subject at hand, but their true feelings about it.

Then there was me. How did I really feel about purity??
Each day when I awoke and made my cross country trek into the city... sat down to my Latte in my Book-Writing Office aka Starbuck's, I was plagued with thoughts of my own life.
Often times, I wondered why in the world, I would be the one to write on this subject. Shouldn't this be done by my Pastor, or my wonderful friend who is the picture of femininity and quiet grace. You know.. we all have at least one.....that person who is so soft spoken, gentle and "precious" that you're sure she's never ever said the wrong thing.
Well that's surely not me. So if we're talking about purity.... I KNOW that I have not ranked in the top 100.
But then, I began to think about how Jesus' blood has washed us. How HE, ALONE is our purifier. And He knew that I and Miss Purity herself, would not be able to walk out this life without ever being defiled.

So... I finally got a clue that there wasn't anyone who qualified to write that book more than me.
We all, as fleshly beings are defiled on many different levels... and can't always see it for ourselves.
Is it my job to point out society's problems... no, not necessarily. But it would be nice to have someone willingly bring it up. Once the idea is out there, maybe someone else will open their heart... and talk about what isn't so comfortable.

Anyway, my prayer is that my musing today, will at least nudge you to ponder the issue of purity in your own life. Think about it... examine your heart, your thoughts, your interaction with others.
Are you walking in purity?
In mind? Heart? Deed?
What can you do about it?

Good questions...and your answers are what matters most.

I'll gab on about this topic a bit more in a later post.
Stop back by when you can.
Until then, let's pray:

Father, God.... Just as you have had me on this path to greater purity... I pray that my friend will begin to seek the same. Lord, may it not be for anyone else's glory but yours... that we desire clear motives and pure actions....as we seek You.
We realize that your son, Jesus is our only true Purity... and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we'll be more and more like Him each day

In Jesus Name, Amen.

Tempered Glass

2005-05-16T15:20:00.000-05:00

A nice glass of wine

It is during the tough times, that we grow.
From the challenges, we learn compassion.Right?
While we were in prayer tonight at a Youth Gathering that I helped out with, I saw a vision.
There were several wine glasses on a belt in a factory. They were being “made”. There was not anything fancy about them, rather they were your typical clear, goblet styled drinking glasses that you would normally drink water or iced tea from at a reception or banquet.I could see the wine fade in and out (so that I would know that these particular glasses werets were made for the purpose of holding wine). All in lines, the glasses were traveling down the conveyor belt and heading toward a tunnel. I heard the word “tempered”… and had a “knowing” that I should study the process of tempering glass.This research proved to be so rich… and the message therein was quite powerful.

We are alot like those wine glasses... meant to hold something that is costly and of great value... and our lives are much like that of the process that glass goes through to be tempered.
In short, part of the tempering process is to apply great heat to ordinary glass... which gives it a strength far greater than a plain, untreated piece of glass. Because it has gone throughthe fire, it can now withstand more adverse conditions, like heat and pressure.
Aren't we the same?
Though it doesn't feel good to go through the "heat" of life.... once we have made it through, we are able to deal with more difficult times without breaking.

Another characteristic of tempered glass is that when it does shatter, it breaks into smaller, less jagged fragments... instead of the long, sharp slithers that it would become had it not been tempered.
And such is our life. When we have not been tempered... or gone through heat and pressure, we are more prone to hurt one another. In our brokenness, we are sharp and cutting... whether we want to be or not.

Maybe you feel the heat and pressure of life right now. Be encouraged... your adversity has not come to break you... but to make you stronger! Allow the tempering to take place.
You too, shall be a stronger, less hurtful, more beautiful vessel because of it.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Tracye

Endless Journey

2005-05-15T23:11:00.000-05:00

Driving in D.C.

At this time last year, I was living in the Washington D.C. area. Actually my residence was in Owings Mills, Maryland which was about 74 miles from the city. That 74 miles, my friend, was my daily drive to work! What a wonderful time (I must admit that there are shades of sarcasm and disgust here applied...haha).

Never in my life could I have ever imagined what those 2 months of driving an average of 160 miles per day would be like. For me, it was one of the most difficult challenges of my life.
Not only did each new day bring what seemed like miles and miles of endless road... it also brought thoughts and longings for my family and friends who were now all thousands of miles away (with the exception of two very special friends Renee Tassone and Tiffany Blunt), questions of whether the opportunity that brought me there would be the best one for me, concerns that the present provision would actually last and a deep sense of loss for the land that I love, Nashville.

There were so many things going through my head and heart at that time. So much that those highway miles became both a friend and foe.

It was on those long drives that my soul became exposed. There was no wrong or right way to feel when my heart needed healing and the miles seemed endless. I remember a time when it felt as though the Lord said...."Ahhhh, now I've finally got you all to myself". Many days tears streamed down my face... and at night, I was often too stunned to cry.

In retrospect, this stretch of my life's road was one of the most profound experiences that I will ever have. I wish I could say that I was happy there.
I wish I could say that I really miss it. Though there are moments from that season which I will cherish... and daily disciplines that I would like to be able to continue now that I am back home... I do not want to return to that lifestyle.
There, I was challenged.
There, I was provoked....
And there, I learned more about owning my life than ever before.

As Christians, we ARE on an Endless Journey. Sometimes the particular stretch of road we're on seems lonely and deserted. At other times, it's far too congested... and becomes gridlocked with no place to run from all of the pressure, responsibilites and needs.

Have you ever been in eight lanes of traffic going no where?
Now I can laugh, but at the time... all I could do is cry after the clock hit the 20 minute mark and my Ford had only "explored" a little over a mile of roadway.
That day, because of the rain, my normal hour and a half drive home turned into a three hour ordeal. It was then, that I had my introduction to what road rage is all about. Tears streaming down and cars everywhere you look... a sea of people, all stuck on the same journey... and then there's that one obnoxious person who decides that he wants to cross 6 lanes of traffic. It was then that I felt a sharp desire to violently react... to scream... honk wildly and possibly even gesture. Lord, help me!

Have you ever felt that way? Had road rage on this life's journey?
I have.

But just like that day in the car, I have to take a deep breath... call on the Lord for help.... sing a little louder and keep on going.

No matter what speedbumps, detours, rain or other obstacles present themselves.... we are on that Endless Journey... and with each new day, we learned another way to enjoy the ride.

Change of Face

2005-05-03T20:16:00.000-05:00

Here I am... the girl of many faces!

It has been such an interesting endeavour to begin to study 1st and 2nd Corinthians. As I was considering what to share today... I came across this picture collage created some time ago...out of old and new pictures. Looking at it again, it made me ponder the many faces that I exhibit to the world. Have you ever stopped to think about that? What do you really look like to the people around you?

2 Corinthians 3:17-18 states: ( Read This Chapter )
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

There have been many transformations in my life.... my hair has changed (often)....my smile, my laugh, my style. All of these changes were visibly seen. Yet the greatest and most glorious changes were not as clearly seen. They took place in my heart. The more I allowed the Spirit of the Lord to inhabit my life... the more those around me could see His image beginning to shine forth.

Daily, this process continues for all of us. With faces as mirrors, we reflect the glory of Christ.
We do so by taking on His features... His characteristics.
Do your eyes continue to sparkle with hope... when you see the darkness in this world and those around you?
Your smile... does it linger... though you face the insensitivity of a stranger, or the misunderstanding of a friend?
Are your lips soft with kind words...whether they are appreciated or rejected?
From glory to glory each day, may we be changed.

May we see more of Jesus in us today,
Tracye

Glory to God, Alone

2005-05-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

I am a ponderer...constantly wondering and longing
for the One Who has captured my gaze.

It is such an honor to serve the Lord, boldly!

After many years of running away from complete surrender.....Here go I :)

May this publicized journal be done only to Glorify
God through obedience in sharing All of the gifts He has so lavishly poured upon me.

I invite you to share... feel free to leave comments and/or contact me by email at anytime.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Tracye